Atomic Elements

So Atomic Elements abound in my last post, and I have no idea why. I didn't put them there, not intentionally anyway. It's slightly annoying.

Went to Landican today to visit my Nain, and take the duck I bought her. The one I got last year has faded quite a bit, but it's still there. It was freezing up there. It's been a bad day all round really. Weather wise, it's been cold and misty and a bit windy, compared to the glorious sunshine we got yesterday. So yeah, I went to see Nain, and got a bit upset. Then Gary rang me, and I got more upset... He was at a meeting with a rehab clinic in Wrexham this morning, and it looks like he's definately going. He's been off the stuff now for nearly four weeks, and I'm really proud of him. He said he was going to call me and let me know how it went, but he hasn't, so I'm a bit worried. To be honest I don't know if rehab is the best place for him. He seems to be doing quite well on his own. But he feels he needs it, so I suppose it won't do any harm. I'm just worried that by going into rehab, he's hiding from life. He's scared of living and scared of losing people and scared of hurting people, and tat was the whole reason he started taking the stuff in the first place, cos he couldn't deal with life, and the pain of life. And maybe now he's having to deal with it, cos he hasn't got the crutch he was using, maybe rehab is just another hiding place. I'll wait and see. I don't know how long he'll be there for. Sam has a new number apparently, and Gary said he was going to send me it, but there's no sign of that either...I'm just thinking if Gary is still in rehab when Sam's court date comes up... Well I was going to try and go to court to support Sam anyway, even though he is being a stupid dick about the whole thing...he's still my driend. If Gary's in rehab, I'm definately going to court for Sam.

Tried to ring Terry before too, I needed some company, but he was busy. Had radiator men coming to fix...well the radiators at his mum's. He said he's going nuts cos he has no weed to smoke. Terry needs his weed. He's a verey angry person deep down, but he manages to control it by beibg permanently stoned. If he's not stoned he gets ... crazy is the only way to describe it. If he can't find a new supply of weed soon, I dread to think what might happen. He said he went nuts one night a while back and decided to run round where he lives at 3am wearing a mask and waving a sword. I don't know how true that is, but if it is true, we need to find him some weed before he does it again, cos one thing Gary does not need is to have his brother shot by police snipers, or arrested for attacking random strangers with a samurai sword. To be honest I don't think it will go that far, but he could end up doing himself an injury. I've kinda gone off drugs now, they're not as much fun as everyone makes out, and dealers, well they're evil. Drugs aren't evil, and addicts aren't evil, they're the victims, it's the people that sell em and make em and grow em that are the evil ones. But in Terry's case, I'm inclined to support the fact that he should have drugs...if only to keep him sane enough not to kill himself. I worked out a long time ago that Terry, even with the best medication in the world, is never going to be 'normal' in the head. And despite the fact he's a nutcase, and he's nasty and sarcastic when provoked, I love him to bits. And I do worry about him sometimes. He's chosen his lifestyle tho, and he's...well not exactly happy, but content I think is a better description. He's a good guy. No one could ever accuse him of being NICE, but good doesn't have to be nice. He's the right side of the line anyway.

Why can't life ever be simple? Black and white? Right and wrong? Good and Bad? Bad people in prison, good people living happy blissful and safe lives. Fact is, Utopia doesn't exist, and I don't think it ever will... Startrek society with everyone in their place doing their jobs and living the dream isn't going to happen.