Cats and Virgins
The cat is called Thomas. He is Allan's cat and he's kinda cute except for miaowing all night.
So yeah, I spent the night at his cos his mum and sister were away, and now he's not...
And now I feel badabout it all because...
a) the fool thinks he loves me
b) I don't love him, and to be honest can't see myself loving him (you know when you just get that feeling in the first few days/weeks...like I knew I loved Pete within about 24 hours...was a feeling of ...rightness...that just isn't there with Allan...he's a lovely, sweet guy, and he cares a lot...but...well yeah...thats about it.
c) I miss Pete. I know, I know, I know. Don't look at me like that, I know what you're thinking...make up your mind girl. I miss him tho, not in a boyfriend kinda way...though I'm beginning to think I do still love him in a weird kinda way...more that I miss the talks and just being in his company, even the petty stuff and the jealousy, and him getting drunk and possessive. I haven't heard from him in 3 days, which is what I thought I wanted, and I even miss the anger and the bitching and the slagging me off that has been the only thing between us for the last fortnight. I think I'm going mad.
1 Comments:
I dunno...maybe you need pain in your life? I know that sounds wierd but I can't imagine ever wanting to be with someone who hurt me so bad, or imagine ever hurting someone I loved. Or maybe the grass is always greener. So maybe I was wrong when I said ypu should just go for it and let Alan try and make you happy. It sounds like Allan can't make you happy. You will hurt him almost certainly and you will hurt yourself in the process. I'm just going on what you have said, I'm not trying to prophesise. I hope one day YOU can make yourself happy.
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