Confusion and forward thinking

So, yeah.
I'm feeling better today...still revolted by my self indulgent stupid behaviour, but better. Am trying to be more positive.
Had a long convo with Allan today...explained that I'm not interested in a relationship with him because my feelings are so confused and my head is wrecked. He said he'd wait for me to sort myselfout, because 'I'm worth waiting for'. Bloody men. I don't want him to wait for me, I don't want anything from him. But it's his choice so what am I supposed to do about it. One of the things him and Pete have in common...stubborness and being in love with me...bastards.

Talking of Pete I had a brief textconvo with him today. Which HE STARTED. I was content to leave him alone,to get his head together and stuff.

And it seems it's my fault. All my fault.

I should leave him alone apparently, even if he contacts me first. Well thank you for your advice Joey. I really feel like people are not taking sides...not.
Pete os the injured party...I'm the unfeeling bitch that dumped him. Yeah thats about right...I have no feelings in this matter,I don't miss him at all, I don't care or feel hurt by all this...I don't cry myself to sleep every fucking night and wake up every morning wishing I hadn't.

Pete isn't the only injured party in this. I hurt too.

Pete, if you read this I'm not directing it at you, I know what you're going through, I've been through it, I'm not trying to belittle your pain or detract from your suffering. I am more than sorry for how things have turned out, and I know you need as much support as you can get.

I need support too.