Utter Madnrss

I am definatelynlosing my mind. I am also getting drunk at this moment in time. I feel a little saner than I did yeaterday, no weird talk about rainbow children or inside out peacocks. Everything in the world seems to be running too fast, but at least it's settled down to one speed now and isn't jumping about all over the place anymore.

Sam and Ben have been arrestedm Gary told me last night. Ben is a dealer, and Sam was at his flat (cos they're mates) when it got raidedm They're both being held for questioning. Still being held I should say. Ben will go down if there is any justice in the world. He's been supplying my mate with coke, but Sam is just a daft, naived kid...I know he's old enough to take responsibility for his own actions... maybe thats the problem, me and Gary have tended to baby him and keep jhthinking of him like a kid, he's not tho.. Still, he's not a dealer, and hopefully the police will realise that he's innocent of all crimes other than being damn stupid.

I can't help but worry about him tho...if he does get sent down, I don't know that he will survive prison very well...Sam doesn't deserve prison, Ben does, but not Sam.

None of this Is helping my mental heath of course...I didn't sleep last night, not much anyway, when I did I had nightmares... and what with work stress, I'm definately losing the plot... Gary suggested getting one a night over the counter nytols to help me sleep, but they are chemical, not herbal, and I don't know if you can overdose on them, so I thought I'd better not...not that I want to kill myself or anything, but I don't knnow what my mind is doing from one minute to the next, and I don't want to risk accidentally taking too many cos I wander off in a world of my own. Sainsbury's didn't have any herbbal ones...so I'm on the wine. Maybe not a good plan, but I need to stop thinking.

I keep hoping that this last couple of days has been a horrible dream, it feels like it... it's like living inside an episode of cosonation street, except without the irritating accents.

Never mix peperamis with wine.