rainbows

Rainbows fall like children from the sky and inverted peacocks fly around me like transient echoes of thoughts. Maybe the fast and slowness of the world is in my head? I can't tell anymore. The world is shrinking and spinning around me and the words I type don't make sense anymore. People I know are like dark shadows in my mind. The words I've spokenn or texted, however harsh cannot be said to be me, as I don't know who spoke them, or even if they were real or just thought's left unnsaid. I amm alone, but surrounded by whispers, trying hard to seem like normal, but I suspect that they suspect, that they are watching me as carefully as I watch them. Clouds appear now and then to obscure my darkness, and the world seems fuzzy and unreal, disonnected from reality.It all stopped suddennly, a pause for a fraction of a second when it all went wrong, and now the world is wrong, and walk hard is an excellent film, full of humour, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my drink! I would definately recommend going to see it's either too fast or too slow, and it keeps trying to fix it'self, but never quite gets it right. If I close myeyes I can feel the wrongness of it, like a fuzziness all around me, when previously I could sense it's clarity, even though my eyes see blurriness, my mind could see the true sharp clarity of everything...but now mmy mind is blurred as well. A nd the colour of y thoughts is changing. Before when I closed my eyes and relaxed into myself all I could see was blue, a deep, rich, vibrant blue...now the blue is fadingtoyellow, tinged with red, like a bloodstainned daffodil. My dreams are filled with surgeries, and when I wake Ihave to check myself for scars ad stitches, incase what I dreamed was real and not a dream at all.
Whispers follow me, and I'm pretty certain that they aren't real, but I'm not entirely sure...are they voices of people trying to speak to me that I just can't hear? I don't know anymore. Sometimes I wish they would go away, but then I would be alone. I jhave an interview on friday for a temporary promotion. I should beok by thenn, this kind of thing is fleeting, and transiet, like a summer breeze. I need to sleep better, the lack of it is hurting me, i can't cry. I am angry, biut not angry, and I can't cry. I think I need to cry to wash away the fesr and whispers, crying would set the world straight again, but they know this andso they won't let me. This could be the peak of it...I feel more disjointed thann ever,like a snakewith no bones..

The eain falls evermpre, flooding the sky with grey. I wish things were clear, I wish there waS SOMEONE HER WHOCOULD HOLD ME AND BRING ME BACK. bUT THERE'S NO-ONE LEFT NOW. pETE IS A FUCKER. iT'S TOO LATE TO GO BACK NOW, IT'S BEDTIME, BUT i'M NOT TIRED ANYMORE, i THINK MAYBE i'LL TRY ANYWAY AND HOPE THAT gOD WILL SAVE MY SOUL...i THINK i WILL PRAY. hE WILL save me if I pray.

Almighty Jehovah, creator of all things, help me fightthesedemons sent to hurt me, give me strength and courage in the face of evil, let me find peace and tranquility in your love. Please help me dispell the fears and madness that envelop me. In the name of your son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, Amen

Time to go before the dawn finds me.

I'm sorry for my utterings and my madness.

Forgive me please? All of you.