Caribbean Islands

So yeah, I'm still here. A little woozy from a nytol that I took about half an hour ago, but they help me sleep, so I'm happy to keep taking them for now. I decided on a change of font and style tonight... Unfortunately it won't let me change the colour.

I have got to the stage where I swing from wanting to hit stupid people and bang their heads against a wall til they see sende (namely Sam), to crying like a baby, to being fairly happy. I'm attempting to keep the smile on my face for Gary's sake, but it's hard work, and the cracks are beginning to sow.

I just want to hide somewhere...have my own Caribbean Island where I can hide away, and live in peace away from anyone.

Everything hurts me. Caring about people hurts me, thinking about Sam going to prison hurts me, thinking about Gary struggling with addiction hurts me, thinking about the girl in work who's probably getting sacked soon for her attendance hurts me because she is a decent woman, just had a rough time of it lately. But I can't stop caring, and I can't stop worrying, and so I can't stop hurting.

I wish there was a part of my brain that I could switch off, that I could take out to stop me feeling all this. I feel swamped and overwhelmed by a sea of emotions that I can't control or cope with.

I have now lost the B, the N, the M and the SPACE BBARoff my laptop keyboard and have to press the little rubber pads that are underneath the keys to make the letters come up. It's annoying. I have a new keyborad, I just don't know how to fit it.

And I got a temporary promotion at work...only for about 8 weeks, but it's more money.

It will tide me over til I win the lottery.