Grieving
I need to cry. But I'm unable to.
I need to grieve for the end of a relationship, but I am numb and empty. I can't feel anything anymore. I know deep down under the shell there is love for Gary, and love for Pete and other turmoiled emotions, but I can't reach them.
I feel adrift.
I feel like I want to hurt myself, just so that I can feel something, but I can't. I won't let myeslf, and I made a promise tonight that I wouldn't.
I hate this.
I want to be free.
I want to be able to grieve properly for the relationship I had with Pete, so that I can move on and enjoy the blossoming relationship that is happening with Gary.
My head is too fucked up with everything right now to know what I want or what I need and I'm terrified of hurting the people I love any more than I already have.
2 Comments:
you need time to heal before moving on to the next relationship, only then can you give the next person your full love with no baggage, it's unfair to burden the next person with all of that. get rid of what you have left over from the last one then your next relationship will work, trust me.
feeling numb is aweful, it's the worst kind of grief. I never hurt myself (physically) when I felt like that but mentally i was very self distructive, because I felt like hating mysefl or being suicidal was preferable to feeling nothing... but it does go away... x
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