Bloody Buses

  I have just been to see Spiderman 2.  It's good, I'd recommend it!  We went over to Liverpool to see it, because there's a new cinema opened...not sure how long it's been there. but it can't be that long ago it opened.  Anyway, it's a cool cinema, they let you take beer into the cinema and everything ;-)  The film finished about 11, and we, well I decided it would be best to get the bus home.  Stupid idea of mine.  The last bus didn't turn up, and by that time we'd missed the train too, so we ended up getting a taxi with 3 random old blokes who'd also given up on the buses.  I swear it's easier getting home at 3am from liverpool, than it is getting home at 11.30.  Grrr, damned buses!

yesterday's post

  I just re-read yesterday's post.  I didn't set out to write it, I just did.  I was feeling a little bit down, and a little bit bored, and I had nothing interesting to write about, so I just opened a new entry page and started to type.  I'm quite impressed with how it turned out.  It's not great, and it's very simple, but it's got potential I think...

Blogging

  When I first started blogging, way back when I was using aol Journals (how I laugh at my folly!) I intended to use it for writing down my thoughts, and things that happen to me during the week.  More a news item than anything else.  Now I've been doing it for a while I've found that I use it to write down anything and everything.  There's a lot of stuff on here that I don't speak to people about much.  I feel I can tell my blog anything, even though I know people will read it, it somehow doesn't feel bad to bare my soul like this, unlike trying to talk to people about stuff (which I am notoriously bad at, ask Pete about that some time!).  I find it easier to write what I'm feeling, I can take time to think about it and get it right, otherwise what I'm trying to say comes out wrong, and it either makes me sound completely crazy, or I end up hurting someone with misplaced words.  I'm glad I started blogging.  It's the best therapy anyone can have.

A fragment of a tale

  She sits in silence, staring at the mist as it swirls through the garden outside.  The room is sparsely furnished with a table and chair and a narrow bed across one wall.  It is her prison.  She stands and she paces from wall to wall and back again, to and fro until you can almost see the groove being worn in the bare floor boards where her naked feet pass.  A hundred, a thousand times she paces back and forth, then she stops, flopping listlessly onto the hard mattress of the bed and turns her head to stare from the window at the mist once more.  She is waiting.  Not even she knows what she waits for, but wait she does.  She has been there for centuries it seems, seconds rolling slowly by into hour long minutes and year long hours.  Her impatience is palpable, but still she waits.  The door is open, but the corridor beyond is dark and cold, unlit and unfriendly, and she is afraid to step beyond the boundaries of her room.  So she sits and waits, and watches as the mist curls around the garden. 
  Night falls, and with it; total darkness.  She lies upon the bed and closes her eyes, but sleep will not come.  She has lost count of the nights she has spent like this, lying still, her eyes shut to the dark outside, only the darkness of her own head for company.  Her thoughts are slow and heavy and make no sense, just swirls of pattern in her mind.  When she opens her eyes it will be light again, and the mist will curl around the garden outside.  And days go past, fragmented by the dreamless nights, always the same, like recycled time.  She sits and waits, and watches, she paces and lies upon the bed, and closes her eyes when darkness comes, and the mist curls around the garden outside her window.  Nothing changes.  And so she waits.

Day at a time

  I felt a little better today until I remembered it's tuesday, and that meant I had to go on checkouts most of the day.  I hate checkouts, it means I have to deal with people on a face to face basis.  I mean I have to do that on the chop floor too, but not as much, and you can escape by saying you have to go and do some work or something.  I really do hate this job, it's doing my head in.

Boyfriends

Boyfriends are great :-)

Paranoia

  Paranoia is one of the most dangerous emotions.  It is damaging, and it makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do and say things that hurt.  I am an extremely paranoid person, paranoid and insecure.  Most of the time I can control it instead of letting it control me, but sometimes it's takes over.  I try not to listen to the voices inside of me, telling me that I'm ugly, or I'm unlovable, or I'm worthless.  I try not to think that people are talking about me, or are out to get me or hurt me in some way.  I know deep down that I'm being silly, but I can't help it.  It's worse when you love someone.  You're constantly afraid that they are going to leave you, just walk away and leave you on your own, and the stupid thing is, the more you act strangely because you're paranoid, the more likely they are to get fed up with the moodiness and the misery and decide that it's too much hard work.  I hate the way I feel sometimes, the way I act and the way I am.  If I could change overnight I would, but I can't.  It's a long slow process, but I think I'm getting better, I'm not as bad as I used to be...

Hair Dye

  I dyed my hair.  Its now a kind of gingery blonde.  I quite like it, but it hasn't made me feel any better.  Pete hasn't spoken to me for 2 days now.  I wish I wasn't so damned useless at relationships.  Same as everything else I suppose.
  I went out with the girls I used to work with last night.  I had planned to stay in with a bottle of gin and some tonic, but instead I went out and got drunk, smoked my way through a whole packet of cigarettes and danced a bit.  Bang goes the giving up.

Happiness?

  What exactly is happiness?  I always used to believe that happiness was being happy all the time, but now I don't believe that's possible.  There is always something to bring you down.  I suppose happiness is relative.  If you spend every day of your life wanting to die because you're so depressed you feel you can't go on, then the day you wake up and don't wish you had died in your sleep must be a like a kind of happiness. 
  Bob is back in work on monday.  I'm dreading it.  I've spent the last fortnight actually feling useful for a change.  Bob makes me nervous, and he makes me feel useless and worthless and pathetic.  He has this way of making me feel about 6 years old, like I used to feel when I was in primary school and could never do anything right.  He makes me feel like an idiot, like my opinions are not worth anything, like I'm getting in the way.  I feel like that anyway at the moment, I can't seem to do anything right, I'm upsetting people all the time, I feel like I'm useless, a waste of space, a little bit pointless. It will be worse when the boss gets back, and then Joan is going on holiday too in a week or so.  Joan sticks up for me, she's like my back up.  She has confidence in my abilities, I think she's the only one that does at the moment.  I don't know what's wrong with me, I was happy not so long ago, this evil mood has dropped on me like a stone, suddenly with no warning. 

Still grumpy, but no headache

  I'm not happy tonight.  I'm not sure why, I just feel miserable and irritable and fed up with everything.  It's like I can't see where I'm going anymore, and I don't know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing or anything.  I want to hide for a while and forget about the world, but tha's not an option, I've done that before, and it just makes me worse.  A few years ago I made myself almost agoraphobic with depression, I didn't want to leave the house, and when I did I had panic attacks and could barely walk to the shops down the road without flinching when someone walked past me.  It got to the point where I had to put my foot down and force myself to go out of the front door, to walk to the bus stop, to get on the bus.  I only managed it by listening to my discman on full blast.  It was like walking around in a little coccoon of, well, Linkin Park and Nickelback of all things, surrounded by the music I felt safe, and gradually I started to pull myself out of it.  I was still miserable, but at least I could go out of the front door without having a panic attack.
  That's all in the past now though, and I'm no where near as bad at the moment as I was then.  I do have a tendency to shut myself away and try to block out the world though.  Now I know how bad I can get, I won't let myself get that bad again.  There are worse things than agoraphobia, and I've done some of them, sometimes, when I've hated myself in the past.  I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again, but the thing about promises like that are that when you promise, you're not in the same frame of mind as you are when you're doing it.  I just realised that I haven't said what 'it' is.  'It' is self harm.  Not to a huge extent, but it's still not healthy.  When I get to that stage, it's like there's two of me, Sane Kate and Crazy Kate (and even sane Kate isn't that sane, but crazy Kate is terrifying- She scares me anyway).  I haven't been that bad for a while now.  Even when I was down the last time, I wasn't that bad, and the herbal happy pills seem to be working ok.  I didn't intend to write about this tonight, but my fingers seem to have developed a mind of their own.  I'm in two minds whether to even post this or not.  It seems a little self indulgent, and attention seeking.  It's not intended to be.

I appear to have found my muse aswell.

I am closed,
Mourning for the birth of doubt,
And the death of a dream.
Thoughts move like Icebergs,
Creeping in the fridgid waters of my mind,
And molten tears slip from tired eyes.
I am lost,
Not knowing where to turn,
Or who to trust.
Friends seem like strangers,
Strangers like deadly enemies,
And fear holds me as they circle.
I am dead,
Waiting for the night to claim me
And the stars to fade.
But from the east comes dawn,
A bright glow bringing peace
And hope, to give another day.  

Grumpy Kate

  I've been in a dreadful mood all day, nothing has gone well, nasty customers, busy shop, too much stuff to put out...  I hate my job with a vengeance.  And I was late out, and I was supposed to be going to a friend's house tonight, but I really don't feel like it, I'm grumpy and I have the worst headache imaginable, and I think I'm going to go to bed...Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

Life

Life

I am the bright light in the darkness,
I am the shadow on the moon.

I am the rainbow in the downpour,
I am the cloud that hides the sun.

I am the love that heals a nation,
I am the hate that starts a war.

I am the fire of burning passion,
I am the ice of abject fear.

I am the words that start a friendship,
I am the silent solitude.

I am creative inspiration,
I am the destructive muse. 

 
I am the sun, the moon, the planets,
I am the earth, the trees, the sky.

I am the tiny new born baby,
I am the ancient mountains high.

I am everything and nothing,
Universe to tiny cell.

I am thought and I am motion,
I am heaven, I am hell.

I am the youth, I am the aged
I am the free, I am the chained

I am life in all its power;
As at the start, so at the end. 

 
Kate 7/04

Myrtle

  I found out today that Myrtle died yesterday.  Myrtle was one of my customers, one of my nicest customers...she was lovely!  She always had a smile and a word of kindness, always wanted to talk and would make time for chatting.  Se would ask how we were, and how the job was going, she was one of the nicest people I've met.  I will miss Myrtle.  She had a stroke about 3 weeks ago, a bad one that left her without speech, we sent a card and some flowers to wish her well, but I suppose it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. 
  Hoylake seems to be cursed at the moment, the nice people suffer and/or die and it's just not fair.  They say only the good die young, Myrtle wasn't exactly young, but she should have had a good few years in her yet, the two young men that were killed in the crash on saturday night, had their whole lives ahead of them but for one silly mistake while driving, Joyce's Husband, John, a lovely, friendly man who didn't have a bad word for anyone, died a few months ago after an illness.  It's depressing, and slightly worrying that Hoylake seems to be a black spot for unhappiness at the moment.
  I was upset to hear about Myrtle, and I was sad for the rest of the day.  I went to Pete's after work tho, and he cheered me up.  He's good at that (amongst other things ;-)), and I do feel better now despite what this post might sound like...  I was bad tho and ate a couple of sweets and some skittles.  Evil temptor that he is :-)

Poetry

  I was going to write a poem today.  I've been thinking about it all day, but I've tried this evening to get something down, and the ideas just won't write themselves.  I guess I'm not as creative as I used to be, now that I'm happy, my poetry brain has given up.  I don't know if thats a good thing, when I read back on some of the stuff I used to write, I go cold.  My state of mind is written down on the pages for everyone to see, and some of it is scary stuff.  I don't think I want to be back there again, and if losing a bit of talent is the price I have to pay for not being scary anymore, then so be it.  I miss some of it tho, some of the stuff I wrote wasn't scary, but it was quite good...only from my point of view, if I like it then I don't care what anyone else thinks...
  Except I suppose, deep down, if I let anyone else read any of my poems, I would care what they thought about them, which is probably why no one reads them, they are locked away in a box out of sight of the world.  It's likely that that is where they will stay too, safe from criticism.

Accident

  On the way to work today we had the radio on in the car.  There was a news report about an accident that had happened just off the M53 near Morton.  Just a short piece about a car that had come off the road and wrapped itself around a lamp post.  I didn't think anything of it, accidents happen, the thought that went through my head when I heard it was along the lines of 'silly buggers were probably speeding or something'.  When I got to work, Joan said that the lad, Chris, that was suposed to be supervising, hadn't turned up yet, and fleetingly my brain wondered idly about the crash, not really thinking that he had anything to do with it.  He had been.  He had been in the car behind fortunately, so he was unhurt, but he lost two of his friends when their car hit the lamp post.  The whole of Hoylake is in shock, it's the kind of village where everyone knows everyone, if not by name, then by face, and by the time the shop opened at 10am, everyone seemed to know, and everyone was talking about it.  There are a lot of rumours going around as to the exact details of what happened, a lot of speculation.  None of it really matters to me, the important detail is that two young men died last night.  I didn't know them personally, I was aquainted with one of them because he used to come into the shop either to see Chris or Aaron, or to shop.  He seemed like a really nice bloke.  He was nineteen, the other lad was seventeen.  It is such a waste, such a shame.  I can't think how their families and friends must be feeling now.
  I have been in a dreadful mood all day with a lot of the customers, complaining about petty quibbly little things, it puts life into perspective when something happens like this, and I'm sorry, but I cannot be happy and cheerful when dealing with somebody's buy one get one free offer that hasn't gone through, or a query as to why their deodorant has gone through at 99p instead of 98p, when I know that people I know are suffering and distraught somewhere and I can't do anything about it.  I actually feel quite guilty for being a little upset.  I didn't know the lads that died other than as faces who sometimes came into the store, friends of colleagues.  I guess what I'm feeling is a kind of general sadness at the loss of life, brought home because it's closer than just a news article now...

Back, briefly...

 Grrrr, damned puters.  Mine died on monday, so I've been unable to blog or chat or read web comics for a whole 5 days.  I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms (shakes, panic attacks, sleepless nights, restless pacing...), it's quite sad really how much I rely on the computer, and surprising how much stress relief blogging and chatting online provides.  I can rant without getting told off for shouting.  I'm currently at my wonderful boyfriend's house using his puter to write this.  My dad was taking ours round to a friends house yesterday to see if it could be fixed, but he was late back last night with it, and I was out early this morning to go to work so I haven't had a chance to find out if it's fixed yet.  If it's not, you'll know, because I won't be back until I can get on here again, that could be tomorrow, but then again, could be next week.  I'm having a night away from home tonight at Pete's because his mum has gone away to Spain for a week.  It means I can get away from my mum, if only for 24 hours.  That isn't the reason I'm staying over, it's just an added bonus.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my mum, just sometimes she can get a bit well, annoying.  And her and my dad are driving me mad at the moment, bickering and whinging at eachother.  They're off to Turkey next month for a fortnight's holiday together, alone.  God knows how they'll cope with being together in the same place 24/7.  Hmm, that sounds like they're having problems.  I don't think they are, but I never noticed how much they bicker before.  I think they were always like that, but I was too busy bickering with my brother to notice.  Now I'm on my own with them since my bro moved in with his fiance, and I feel kinda stuck in the middle sometimes.  My Dad, I can deal with, he still treats me a bit like a little kid, but I suspect all dads do that, and he will continue to do it until I turn fifty, and then some, but he's quiet, and he keeps himself to himself most times.  My mum, well I think I'm too like my mum to ever really get on completely with her.  I can see myself turning into her in another thirty years, and that's scary.  She moans at my dad constantly about little stuff, and my dad being stubborn, of course decides he won't do it her way etc, etc.  If you're in the right mood, it's quite amusing to listen to, but if not, well, I have to go and lock myself in my room until they've stopped.  I shouldn't complain really, they've been very good to me, and they've brought me up as a polite, considerate (most of the time), well mannered person.  I wouldn't change them for the world.
  Ooh, I just took a proper look at this create entry page, blogger has changed rather since last time I looked.  Just been playing with the colours.  I'm trying to decide whether a rather fetching shade of green will show up on my background colour or not.
  I think I will try it out for a couple of lines, and then if it doesn't work I'll know not to use it again!
  Work has been the same as usual, except that Joan is stressed because Bob, the manager, is on hols, so she's in charge of the store, and I have been doing 8.30 til 5 shifts on checkouts because Jean is off sick with a flu bug.  I can't rmember if I mentioned it, but Aaron is also off sick, he has got Mumps, and has been in hospital with it.  Mumps can be nasty when your older I believe, I had my MMR vaccination when I was ickle tho, so hopefully I should be ok.  I really don't want mumps!
  Sigh, well I feel I'm boring you all now, so I'll blog off (heh heh hehehe pun intended) and go to bed!
 
Things to be grateful for...
1.  Boyfriends with computers.
2.  Cute black and white kitties
3.  Internet banking
 
Bad things I've eaten today (and the last couple of days)
1 chocolate bar (Wednesday)
1 berry muffin (Thursday)

Sweet stuff

I was a naughty girl today. I succumbed to the temptation of an egg custard with my lunch. :::Holds out a wrist for slapping:::

Things to be grateful for...
1. Roast chicken
2. Calligraphy
3. Star Trek (but only in moderation)

Bad things I've eaten today...
1. Egg custard tart
2. A ginsters pasty

Money

I was reading a blog today by someone I know that goes in the same chat room that I do. The entry was about a guy (naming no names but I'm fairly certain I know who it was about) who is also a chatroom regular. Apparently this guy has been annoying this person by flashing his money around and is now apparently trying to 'buy' friends by taking a friend and her mum to a concert for free. Ok I have a few things to say about this...
1. This guy, to me seems like a nice bloke, he's always friendly, his jokes might be a little close to the bone occasionally, but he means no harm.
2. From what I can tell he has had to work damned hard to get where he is today, earning what he is earning, so he is entitled to 'brag' a bit, not that I've noticed him shouting out 'I've got loads of money and you're all worthelss because you haven't', nor have I ever heard him claim he's better than anyone else because of it.
3. As for trying to buy friends? Well, what happened to good old fashioned, doing people a favour, or being nice to someone just for the hell of it? We live in a very paranoid and distrustful society, and everyone seems to think that everyone else has the very worst intentions, and are only out for number one. It's simply not true. There are nice people out there, kind people, generous people, and I, for one, happen to believe that this guy is one of them.
I would like to think that this post might make a difference to peoples opinions, and perhaps give them a different perspective on certain things and certain individuals. I doubt it will tho, people in general are pig headed and cynical...I should know, I'm exactly the same myself.

Incidentally, I am not sticking up for this guy because of any sense of loyalty, I count him as a mate, yes, but I believe he's been unfairly represented. I am not rich either, I'm quite poor at the moment, still living with my mum because I can't afford to move out, so this also isn't a case of the rich sticking up for the rich. Right, I think thats straightened out...

drunks

I have just got in after being at the pub. It was a nice evening, the pub was a bit busy to start with, but it quietened down later on.
On the way home I had to wait for ages to get the bus and some drunken scallies decided to come and share the bus stop, and eventually the bus with me. Now I'm not against drunk people in general, and I'm not against swearing in moderation, but these people were horrible, every other word was the F word and they were screaming and shrieking at eachother like banshees. It was quite depressing and not a little intimidating. I should have walked home, but it was raining.
But on a happier note, yet again I have managed to avoid the perils of chocolate and cakes! The fourth day running, I'm dead proud of myself!

Things to be grateful for...
1. Not getting my head kicked in
2. nail varnish
3. strawberries

My eyeballs hurt

I got a bit tearful before, which is probably why my eyeballs are hurting now. Damned salty tears, irritating my poor little eyes :-( I'm feeling a little better now tho, just overreacted to the fact that I couldn't go to the pub, and I'd been looking forward to it all day, and then someone said something and I got upset about it, and then my mum started being annoying about stupid little things, and...well you know how it is, sometimes things just seem a lot worse than they are. I was just being silly, I've calmed down now, and chilled out a bit (reading always does me a lot of good), but I think I may have an early night.
Other than that I feel great! I've abstained from chocolate and cream cakes and trifles for 3 whole days now!

Things to be grateful for...

1. Tropical fish
2. Fantasy books that you can escape into
3. The faraway realms of the imagination.

I'm a good girl, really I am.

Well back to work today. I suppose it wasn't too bad, but I desperately need a new job. I have been very good today and haven't eaten anything I shouldn't have, although I'm having serious difficulty resisting the jam doughnut that my mum brought in. To me that's just evil, and considering both her and my dad are supposed to be on diets....well, it's just wrong!
Not doing too well with the excercise bit tho. I think I'll have to work up to that, maybe I'll walk part of the way home tomorrow, if it's not raining.

Things to be grateful for...
1. Self control
2. Feeling healthier already
3. The filling quality of weetabix

sensibility

I have decided to start looking after myself a bit better. Starting from today, I've had no biscuits today, or chocolate (I did have some cheesecake after my tea, but it wasn't a snack so I can allow myself that, and I was eating out.) I intend to keep this up too, I'm not going to go full out banning myself all sweet stuff and only eating salad, because I know I won't stick to that. I'm just going to start off slowly, cutting down on the amount of cream cakes and chocolate I eat, and trying to do a bit more excerise. That's going to be the hard bit, because I'm a lazy cow when it comes to excercise. Went for a bit of a walk today, true it was only to the ASDA down the road, and I did get the bus back because I had shopping, and I was knackered because this bug I've had ha sapped all my energy, but it is a start I think. I'll start off gently and work my way up to doing the London Marathon :-) The one thing I'm not giving up is proper milk, I can't eat weetabix with anything else on it...semi skimmed is just not the same!
I had a lovely afternoon. I went to ASDA and bought some healthy food (well healthy for me, there was no chocolate or crisps or cream cakes anywhere in it.) Then I came home and made some lunch - steak and salad, then pottered about a bit doing not much befoe wandering up to the park to meet my sexy boyfriend. We sat on the grass and chilled out for a while, then got food in the pub. It was lovely, watching the clouds and talking about silly stuff and catching some sunshine for a change. The weather hasn't been very nice recently, and it felt good to warm my skin in the afternoon sun. I'm back at work tomorrow :-(

Things to be grateful for...

1. Late afternoon sun that isn't too hot and isn't too chilly.
2. Lying on the grass not having to think about stuff.
3. Cheesecake

Bad things I've eaten today...
Cheesecake

Bed

I spent most of the day in bed. Mainly because I was a very foolish girl last night and ate a whole packet of chocolate fudge crunch creams. As you canimagine they didn't do my bloodsugar levels any good, and this morning I felt decidedly queasy. This is a problem of mine. Sometimes I just decide to eat myself stupid. I always regret it in the morning, but I don't do it often. I think maybe some people would see a problem with this. They'd maybe see it as a kind of eating disorder. I don't see it that way, to me, it's like maybe going out once in a while and getting totally rat arsed, it doesn't do you much good, and you get a hangover the following morning, but it doesn't make you an alcoholic if you only do it once in a blue moon. I think sometimes you just have to let yourself go, totally pig out on chocolate, or drink yourself insensible, just to relax and forget about the world for a bit. Geh, now I'm sounding like I want to forget about everything, and it's making me sound a bit like I need to be worried about. I don't need worrying about, but I guess saying that will only make people worry more. I think maybe I should shut up before I dig myself any deeper.

Things to be grateful for...
1. The advances in medicine over that last hundred years that make me still alive today
2. Uplifting (yet soppy) films
3. Keira Knightley (Can't wait for king arthur to come out!)

Cinema

I'm feeling a little better today, and I went to the cinema this evening. Saw The Ladykillers. It's not great, not as bad as some I've seen, but not brilliant. I believe the original was better, I haven't seen the original, but people have told me it's better. Most originals are, I don't think I've seen a remake thats been better than the original...

Chatroom Politics

It makes me mad when people come into UK Sci Fi and ask us why we're not talking science fiction. I've lost count of the amount of times that people have said 'just because we like science fiction doesn't mean we have to talk about it all the time.' Science fiction isn't something we are, we are normal people with other interests as well. It really annoys me. There is one particular person that comes in, she has in the past said that if we're not talking sci fi, we should leave the room. These are the regulars she's talking to. You can imagine how well that went down. This is also the girl that said that people wnet into space because of star trek, that everyone will eventually have their own private aircraft, and that she wants, when she dies to donate her organs then have her body shot into space so that, get this...'the aliens can find me and ressurect me'. I kid you not. We get the impression she's a little bit insane, which is fine, insanity doesn't bother me, it's the irritating things that bother me...

Off Sick

I'm bored. I hate being off sick. I spent all morning in bed, didn't wake up til after 12pm, had a shower which sapped all my strength, and then sat in bed for half an hour before even trying to get downstairs for some food. I hate being ill too. On the plus side, I haven't passed out again, so that can only be good...
Off the subject of illness, my baby fishies seem to be doing ok. They're swimming about looking all happy and stuff, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed tho, it has only been a week!

Might be back later to add to this, might not...

And then I fell over...

WeLl, I think thats the first time thats happened before. I actually passed out in work today, one minute I'm stacking tins the next I'm on the floor. Fortunately my brain waited until I was kneeling down before wandering off elsewhere, so I didn't hurt myself too much, five minutes earlier I had been standing on a stool, and if I'd done it then I'd have really done myself an injury. I think it's due to this fluey type bug I seem to have picked up...It's my own fault tho, I should have stopped working and gone home when I started feeling unwell, but no, 'I'll be fine' I thought. Obviously not. Joan sent me home in a taxi once I'd stopped shaking enough to walk in a straight line. I'm going to take the next few days off and see how I feel after that. I've slept most of the afternoon away, and I feel a bit better, but I'm not great so I think I'll wander off and get a little bit more sleep...