PARTAY!

How drunk was I last night?
The answer is very very drunk... 1.5litres of Lambrini, and a good ol portion of a bottle of mint Baileys, plus a big cup of weird blue/green cocktail from the cocktail fountain (and a hash cake) will o funny things to you... I think I might have fallen in love, got really upset, and furiously angry... I vaguely remember tiny bits of the evening... fuzzy faces and fragments of conversations, but not a hell of a lot.

I also went to see Sam with Hab, which was fun... Sam's looking good, seems happy and stuff, and Hab's on good form as usual with his smutty sense of humour! Was good to see them both, and hopefully will be able to get up to see Sam again with Hab sometime fairly soon.

I may have done something I'm going to regret last night... I'm still feeling hurt, betreayed, and so fucking angry I can't express it right now tho... Twisted up inside an wondering what the hell happened, and what I did to deserve being lied to... Can't think about it right now tho. I need to calm down a bit first... That coul take a long time... Just thinking about it is winding me up, so I'm gonna have to leave this and try and walk away... It obviously wasn't a big deal to him, it was to me. So yeah, it was a stupid conversation, that conversation about in a perfect world if we ever had kids... something that was never going to happen, not in a million years, I knew that, but if it had she would have been ours! Our little EMO heh. Except I can't think about that now, I can't think straight to be fair I'm so angry, and I don't know which is worse, the fact that he either forgot, or didn't care, or it idn't mean anything to him, or the fact he lied to me.

Fuck it, I'm walking away from this before I get too wound up about it again.... Can't work through this one just yet, not with myself and certainly not with him.