Paranoia

  Paranoia is one of the most dangerous emotions.  It is damaging, and it makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do and say things that hurt.  I am an extremely paranoid person, paranoid and insecure.  Most of the time I can control it instead of letting it control me, but sometimes it's takes over.  I try not to listen to the voices inside of me, telling me that I'm ugly, or I'm unlovable, or I'm worthless.  I try not to think that people are talking about me, or are out to get me or hurt me in some way.  I know deep down that I'm being silly, but I can't help it.  It's worse when you love someone.  You're constantly afraid that they are going to leave you, just walk away and leave you on your own, and the stupid thing is, the more you act strangely because you're paranoid, the more likely they are to get fed up with the moodiness and the misery and decide that it's too much hard work.  I hate the way I feel sometimes, the way I act and the way I am.  If I could change overnight I would, but I can't.  It's a long slow process, but I think I'm getting better, I'm not as bad as I used to be...