Long time gone

It's been a while.
It feels longer tho, it's been a pretty heavy few weeks. Bad stuff has happened to people I care a lot about, and tha makes me sad, and angry, and I'm trying to be strong and practical and keep it together.

But it's damn near impossible at times.

This last week has been about the hardest so far. Trying to keep a smile on my face and take on the world so nobody else ha to. Not that I think they expect me to, I just do.

Fact is I miss him. It feels like I have a hole in my head and my heart where he used to fit quite snugly, and although I know that he'll be back, it still hurts like a bastard. He's one of my best friends, and I hope he knows that. I'm writing to him every week, trying to let him know that I care, and I'm thinking about him. And it doesn't matter how much I tell myself that I'm ok, and how well I seem to be coping on the outside, inside I'm falling apart, I'm overwhelmed sometimes by complete devastation, and I can't help but sob my heart out.

But I have to be strong. I need to appear self sufficient and organised and composed. I have to.

On top of all this I'm trying to move forward, trying to find someone nice to have a relationship with. I've come to realise that dating sites are probably the worst invention ever. Most of the girls don't even reply to my emails, andone girl I was getting along really well with stopped replying as soon as she found out I was visually impaired. I guess a disabled freak wasn't what she was looking for.