Party Party

I have a rotten cold, for which I am blaming Gary. Only because I saw him at the weekend and he said he had a cold then. Grrr.

And I have spent the last half hour blowing up balloons ready for Mum's birthday party tomorrow. Dad said it's like germ warfare, and maybe the cold bugs that I blow into the balloons will mutate into something really nasty and we can bump off next door.

Perhaps not.

Anyway, yeah, 60th birthday tomorrow, then the christening of the decade on sunday. I'm being a godmother, slightly scary, but hey, It's an honour to be asked.

So, presents are wrapped, outfits are chosen, cards are written...I'm sure I've forgotten something, but it's tough now...I'm sure it will be fine!

Crawling Inside

Vicious,
Long-legged crawlers,
Clawing like icy dagger-fingers
at my mind.
Skittering, scuttling, dark,
Whispering, wheedling, wicked.
Speak holes inside me.
Break them,
Crush them,
Stamp on them,
They return a thousand-fold.
Dark things, evil things, dead things,
Visions of death and hate,
tired broken thing falls down,
Empty shell devoid of life,
Eaten away from within,
By the crawling things inside.

Caring

I wish I didn't have to care about people.
I wsh I could just turn off my feelngs and be cold as ice.
I wish I could stop worrying about everyone.
I'm beginning to wish I was alone in the world.
I'm gonna win the lottery soon, and I'm going to get a house, miles from anywhere and fence myself in with 15 foot fences so no-one except the tesco delivery person can get near me.

Dragons

Well the Dragon I ordered for my Mum's birthday still hasn't arrived, and her birthday is next week.
You would have thought seven weeks was long enough for any dragon to get here!

Golden Snails and Blue Lobsters

My Tank has life once more.

I have...Two silver sharks, two bronze corydoras (catfish to most peaople) called Cory and Dora (I know it's original), 6 nameless Glowlight Tetra's, one Golden Apple snail called Crawly, and a Blue Lobster called Pinchey.

I tested the water for everything, and it was fine, checked and double checked the filter and air pump, and threw them all in. So far they seem fine, the cory's are very playful, and love scooting round on the bottom of the tank throwing up gravel and rooting about under the plastc plants. The Silver Sharks started off a little shy, but have been more nosey today, coming to the front of the tank when they thought I wasn't watching. The Tetra's are naughty...they refuse to eat the crushed up flake food I put in for them, and end to try and tackle the catfish pellets and algae tabs I put in for the Cory's and Crawly. And honestly you've never seen a snail move so fast when I put food in that tank...He launches himself across the tank to hog an algae tab, then sits there and munches until it's all gone.
Pinchey is very elusive. He's only ickle at the moment (about an inch long) so I think the silver sharks scare him a bit...he tends to back himselfunder a plastic plant and wave his little pincers at anything that comes near...but I've seen him scuttling about so I know he's ok. I'm ging to try him on some chopped up mussels, cos the Fish shop man said they'll eat anything and to try him on seafood sticks and stuff like that. He's a good litle hoover too..even after giving the tank a good clean and a water change there was sill some muck floating about in odd corners that I couln't get to...the tank is spotless now.... The Fsh Shop man said he'd do that, but now the tank's clean, Pinchey will have to eat sunken dish flakes, algae tabs and anything else fishy throw in. Apparenly Blue lobsters are scavengers and will eat literally anything, including any dead fish that snk to the bottom... bit like my old Plec really. Will have to make sure he's well fed tho, cos he will also attack the fish if he gets hungry enough, tho I think he's a bit little at the moment.

Oh and Chris, I think you can get fresh and salt water variesties of Angelfish....I know there's definately freshwater ones, my mum had them for years... 'm avoiding them anyway, cos they are omnivorous and might attempt to eat Crawly or Pinchey. Pinchey is especially vulnerable when he sheds his shell, cos before he hardens he's all soft boddied and tender and juicy to any passing carnivorous fish.

Anyway I have nothing like that in the tank so he should b ok. I'm thinking of getting a couple of zebra snails as well, I only got one golden apple snail, because they breed, and I don't want 200 tiny snails in the tank, the zebra snails will only breed in brackish water tho so I might get a couple of those...and this is the reason I get plastic plants...if I end up with three snails the real ones on't last very long...

Doomsday

Well it didn't happen...not when it was supposed to at least... 08.08.08 was uneventful, aside from the favt I gt the flu and spend 2 days in bed, but that hardly counts as doom.

So there's approximately 3 weeks til my birthday...and I'm really looking forward to that. Not in the slightest...not the actual turning 30 bit anyway...I think the saturday is going to be fun, going for a meal with Hab and spending the night in a posh hotel...well posh for me anyhow.

Mum has been badgering me about what I want for my birthday. I'm not that arsed...I'd be quite happy with HMV vouchers, so I can build my DVD collection. Or a house, but somehow I don't thing thats going to happen.

I cleaned out my fish tank tonight...it always takes longer than I think it's going to..by the time I've done a water change and cleaned the filter and attempted to clean the tubes with pipe cleaners, it's normally a good two hours. Anyway all it needs now is fish. I'm giving tropicals one last try, and if they all die again, then I'm going to take out the heater and fill it full of goldfish. I'm tired of trying to nurture the little bastards, watching them be all pretty and swimmy, and then wake up in the mornings to find, one by one, them floating. Don't know what I'm doing wrong...I don't over feed them, I don't under feed them, I check the temperature and the pH, and the Nitrate and ammonia levels, I do water changes...I have an amazing filter and a strange industrial looking toroise shaped hing that pumps air into the water, I think they just don't like me.
I have tried platties, mollies, swordtails, gouramis, Plecs, clown loach, red-bronze catfish,neon tetras, zebra danios, dwarf blue thingies (which I can't remember th name of), zebra fin tetras, harlequins, and probably some other stuff, the big fish don't last long, the smaller fish have a better life span, so I think I might go for something small and fast and prety, like Guppies or something. Possibly a couple of silver Sharks. I did have a Japanese Fighter that did quite well. I'm tempted to try an Angel fish or two as well, but they are so nice I'd be gutted if they died. Might see if I can get some ideas by typing Tropical Fish into Google and see what comes up....

Crap

I feel like it.

I ache all over, I just want to sleep, but not been getting much lately, due to the heat mainly, it's a choice of being hot and sticky, or the squeaky fan.
Not just the heat tho I don't think. Been having mad dreams when I do get to sleep... Being chased by...things, trying to hide from stuff, that kind of thing.

At first my beautiful saviour was there, every time, bringing me home. Now it's different... I am supposed to be the saviour, rescuing her, and keeping her safe, but no matter what I do, I can't save her. She dies every night in my dreams, in some way or other.

Probably says a lot about my subconscious r psyche or whatever.

Probably not the best idea watching stupid films before I go to bed...Last night was Black Sheep... it's worth a laugh if your twisted like me... Mutant killer sheep is always good fun. Went to see Dark Knight again tonight. It is a truly fantastic film, and Heath Ledger as the Joker is terrifyingly creepy, and comically genius. But again, if I want to sleep without creepy dreams, probably not the best hoice of film.

I may have to find an episode of smething non violent and fluffy to watch before I go to sleep.

500th Post

Yeah, believe it or not, this is my 500th post.
Scary isn't it, kinda landmarky.

To tell you the truth, I never thought it would go this far when I strted it all those years ago...and once or twice it nearly didn't.

So there you go...My 500th post. Not much to say really, nothing much has changed since last post, so I'll love you an leave you with the thought that I really did waste my 50th post. It could have been so much more interesting. Bit like my life really...

8.8.8/5

Tigers

I like tigers.
They are stripy, and not as stupid as zebra's which are also stripy, but a bit daft. Tigers seem intelligent.

I also like rubies, because they are sparkly and beautiful like shiny drops of blood.

I was invited to a party tonight. By Leigh. Because we appear to be speaking to eachother at the moment, until the next argument, or the next time he decides to fuck off and hide. Not that I particularly want t be in communication with him, because I know he'll just fuck with my head again and we'll both end up being hurt. He just can't leave me alone.

Wasn't in a party mood tho, so I didn't go. Plus I think me, him and alcohol in the same place at the same time is a bad idea..it can only cause misery, and I didn't want to ruin Kate's birthday by fighting with Leigh.

Got a letter to say I got on my course. And spoke to my line manager yesterday, she told me my job move has been postponed until september. It seems I really can't have everything...it's given with one hand and taken away with another. Wait and see if the job actually happens in september, or if it does, whether the course ends up going tits up.

It's gonna cost me over £400, registration and course fee's. thats just for this year too...got another 3 years after that.

The evil of men

You can't trust them. They see your heart and soul, and they see what you want and need and take it away from you.
They are emotional parasites, they drain you of everything good and leave you hollow and empty.

I hate men, in general. There's a few good ones, one or two that I know (aside from family) that I would trust with my life and my heart and soul.

But most are evil.

8.8.8/7