New years eve

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR! And all that bollocks :o)
No seriously, I hope you all have a good new years celebrations, and enjoy the fun, and I hope that next year will be good for you all (and me).
I personally am going to the Krazy House tonight, it's the new year all mighter which means by 4am they will be playing crap, and everyone will be heading home heh, but it should be good fun...it was the last one I went to anyway.
I shall tell you about my new toys too!

I have been spending money :o( and this is what I have bought....

1. An 8.1 megapixel digital camera which cost and amazing £180! Yes 8.1 megapixels for £180!!! unbelievable eh? Haven't had a proper chance to play with it yet tho cos it's been charging up...not long now tho!

2 A new phone...technically I didn't BUY this cos it was an upgrade from O2, but it's a new toy so it needs a mention...I'm loving it...it's damned sexy and rather cool, and has a decent camera on it...for all those times when I'm out and about without my sexy new digital one.

And finally...

3. My personal favourite and one that I am sooooooooooooo in love with...

My Mace Windu Purple Lightsabre!

Yes I did say Lightsabre...£67 worth of purple gorgeousness...and £67 is cheap...it came in a three pack with Luke Skywalker's one and Darth Vader's one, shared between three friends, and of course, mine is the best.

Seriously tho, if you haven't already got one of these amazing things, you should get one....they are fantastic...they light up like the real thing and make all the noises and are virtually indestructible...the hilts are perfectly crafted from the films from metal...perfect replicas and they are absolutley fantastic...I'd recommend them to everyone....Go and Buy a lightsabre!
,y mate loved his so much he went and bought the Anakin Skywalker one too...thats how addictive they are....so if your fed up with running round the house with a cardboard tube going whhhhuuum whhhhuuuumm kkksshhh whhhuuum....go out and get one of these things,,,they are worth every penny!!!

Stupidity

I seem to be making a great job of pushing people away at the moment...friends mainly, and really good friends at that.
I'm not doing it intentionally, just stress is making me a bit super sensitive at the moment...I realise that people only care for me and want the best for me and want me to be healthy and happy, but sometimes I feel like I'm being smothered and wrapped in cotton wool...Thats not what I need.
I just want people to treat me normally and not like I'm going to fall apart or smash or something at the slightest touch.
So I am sorry, to everyone I've upset recently, from my best friend, to my mum, and everyone who cares about me. I know you are all only trying to help and you'll have to forgive me if I get a little grumpy sometimes and fight against the imagined boundaries that you seem to be imposing on me.
I love you all very much.

Giving up

So I log on today, after christmas, had a great christmas by the way...full of happiness.
And I find a comment...
And I guess thats my best mate giving up on me.
What she doesn't see is how I have been over the past weeks, how much happier I've been, and how hard I've been trying and how much healthier I feel.
She assumes I am self destructing.
Well I'm not about to explain myself to anyone.
I'm happy right now...a little stressed perhaps, but happy.
And it all comes down to choices and moderation.
I've made my choices, and I'm being moderate and sensible.
I'm not stupid. Whatever you think of me and how I'm living my life...that fact is still true. Please don't treat me like I am.

Back after an absence

Its been a hard couple of weeks.
Details of which I am not going to go into...but I've finally got my Christmas shopping done...I hate late night shopping it sucks.
Sam has gone crazy..Poor Sam, but at least he's alive.
As to stress and things that are bad for me...I've been trying my best, but everything is fucked up at the moment...the life I have right now is not exactly stress free...about the opposite in fact full of heartache and pain and stress and nasty shit.
So I'm trying to look after myself, the food and insulin is getting there, the (occasional) smoking, spliff and tiny bit of speed isn't, but helps to relieve the stress. I'm careful with the speed, and it's not all the time, just occasionally...the smoking I only do when I'm out, the spliffs...every now and again, and I seem to have managed to give up alcopops and have cut right down on my drinking altogether.
So you see, what I'm doing is not that bad...I intend to kick the smoking when things are less stressful.
I haven't had unecessary chocolate for well over 4 weeks now the only stuff I've had is when my blood sugar goes low.

Can anything else happen to make my life any worse???

Right so my blood sugar this morning was 11, which is a bit high, but not excessively so so I gave myself my normal insulin dose. At 11am it was 1.8. Like it should be about 7, so 1.8 is bad.
And so I took some glucose tablets and ate a special K bar to bring it up a bit...sitting at my desk munching is kinda fun...anyway...next thing I wake up on the floor by the door with two people holding on to me awaiting an ambulance.

Don't ask me why? I know the whole falling over and being unconcious thing was because of the low blood sugar levels, but I don't know why that happened...I certainly don't remember getting up and trying to walk anywhere but I guess I must have.

Dad met me at the hospital and I stayed in A & E for 4 hours while they made sure I was ok.

And for some obscure reason aol has deleted some of my favourite places...all my friends blogs have disappeared. Grrr

Too much to take in

It seems I can either be blissfully happy, and hurt a lot of people, or terminally miserable and also hurt people.
There is just too much to deal with at the moment, things are getting on top of me and driving nails into my brain..
Ahh well, I'll get there.
One way or another I'll survive, and I'll ind happiness that isn't fleeting.