Feeling like a fraud

Surrounded by all thos lesbians yesterday who seemed so confident and comfortable in themselves, I felt like a fraud. I dunno that there's much else to say about that. What can you say?
And what can you do when you're afraid of being alone? Like I am ok during the day, or when I'm with people, like yesterday with Kelly and Shel, and then with Pete, I was soo tired, but I was fairly happy and cheerful, and then I got home and went online, and talked to Joey and Hab for a bit, and I was ok, and cheerful, and then I logged off because I couldn't keep my eyes open, and I went to bed, and I couldn't sleep, even though I was so exhausted I could barely see, and I was miserable and emotional and weepy. So I texted Pete.
Maybe I shouldn't lean on Pete too much. It's unfair of me to do that, because he loves me, and I'm not seeing him anymore...do you know what I mean? Because he loves me, and he seems to want to be there for me, thats exactly why I shouldn't lean on him too much...because it feels like I'm using him, even though I'm not doing it intentionally and it's just because I like being around him and stuff, even though we're not together anymore, people might see it like I'm just after the comfort and when I'm feeling better about myself and my life I'll just fuck off and leave him to it.
I won't. And I suppose I got to do what I feel is right and what makes me happy, and he's big enough to look after himself and who cares what other people think? But I still feel kinda awkward about it all. Except, only when I'm not with him and I've got too much time on my hands, like now, to think about this stuff. When I'm with him, it doesn't matter.
I guess I'm just not very comfortable with myself at the moment. Everything is awkward and disjointed and I can't seem to find a balance of happy and sad and be just averagely ok for a while.
I reckon you lot are probably getting bored of me by now, looking back on this blog thing, it's been all self pity and misery for a long time. I don't like it that way. I want something good to write about for a change, and not just how good a film was or whatever, but something genuinely interesting and decent. And I want to stop feeling useless and scared all the time. And a million pounds, I want that too. And a house. And maybe a small harem lol.