Head Demons

I can't, I just cannot stop thinking about Pete. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day since we split up, he has been there inside my skull, either pointing accusing fingers or looking at me sadly or some times just holding out his arms and wanting to be held.
It's breaking me.
I still can't make any sense of what I am feeling. A lot of the time I want to be with him, I want to go round and kiss him and tell him everything is ok, that we are meant to be together and all the other lovey dovey shit that people come out with in those situations. But then other times I think about being with him, and spending the rest of my life with him, and it makes me feel...odd, not quite connected, scared, tired, bored I don't know.
I miss him, I miss hearing hs voice, and seeing his smile, and the feel of his skin, and the strength of his arms around me, the taste of him, the smell of him, everything, but I don't know if I miss him enough. If I love him enough to go back and try and make it work between us. I'm fairly sure if I asked or if I told him I loved him and that I wanted to be with him that he would take me back, but I'm not sure if thats what I want. I have itchy feet. I want something different...I think.
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I don't know what the hell I want, and if I don't know it's probably best I stay away. It's just so hard.