Destructive Tendencies

The last two days have been bad. I can seem to shake off the misery I'm feeling. The slightest little thing sets me off and I can't cope any more. I woke up this morning and looked at my clock and thought 'why do I have to get up?' I just don't want to do anything, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to see anyone, I don't even want to be sitting here writing this. I am going to manchester tomorrow with pete to meet up with some of my internet friends, Hab, Joey, Lee, Fairy, Nitty and a few others (I'm not absolutely sure who is going), and I have been looking forward to it for ages, I've been really excited. But this week I can't even work up any enthusiasm for that, it's like all I can feel is this kinda numb sadness. I went to the pub with Pete tonight, and he took my lack of enthusiasm to mean that I didn't want him to go, he kept saying 'I don't have to go if you don't want me to.' I do want him there, I want him to meet Joey and Hab and Fairy and everyone, they are my friends, and I want Pete to get to know them. If Pete wasn't going I don't know if I would either. I don't think I'm up to the train on my own, I'm barely coping with the bus to work.