Bloody Bank Holidays

It was my mum's birthday yesterday. And a bank holiday to boot. I had to work. Bank holidays are a waste of time when you work in a shop. I did ask the boss if I could leave early because it was my mum's birthday. He said no because 'I haven't got enough staff to cover it if you go early and there is lots of stock to put out'. I had to stay til 5pm. The boss left at 1.30 after doing very little except sit on his arse in the office talking to his manager friends in other stores. I was really pissed off. Anyway, today he was really nice to me, he went on about being sorry for not letting me go early and that he realised that it was always me that did the extra time and put in the extra hours and never let him down. He said that he would try and sort something out for me later in the year and make sure I got Boxing day off. Woopee doo. If I'm lucky I won't be there that long!
My mum's birthday went well tho. I got her a beanie baby dragon, cos she collects beanie babies, and dragons, and a couple of shrubs for the garden. Our Chris and Caroline (my bro and his fiance) came round for some food, and they had also got her a cuddly dragon, but a different type so that was ok, and a David Essex CD. We had a laugh and mum enjoyed herself, so that was good.
I have applied for a job as a trainee accountant at a local firm of accountants (makes sense really). The advert asked for school leavers or graduates with a good academic background, so I thought I'd give it a go. They will pay for me to do all the qualifications and exams and stuff, and at the end of it I'll be an accountant. I hope I get an interview. I am quite interested in accountancy (boring as that sounds) I started doing a book keeping course, and found it quite mentally stimulating until My life went to pot last year and everything got tipped upside down and I kinda lost the motivation to carry on with it. I think Pete has all my course stuff in storage at his work from when he emptied mine and his stuff from the flat, I just haven't got around to getting it back yet. I will have to do that soon, because if I don't get an interview or I don't get the job, then I need to finish the course to improve my employment prospects. I'm tempted to do a course in office management too. You can actually do GNVQ's in office Junioring! I see myself more as admin, but to be quite honest anything has got to be better than the Co-op. It's driving me potty!

Cities of gold

This is also a link on my fella's blog...We really want this on DVD! Please sign this petition, pretty please!!!

http://www.petitiononline.com/mcogdvd/petition.html

If you've never seen Mysterious Cities of Gold, you've missed out. Unfortunately at the moment it is only available on VCD. The quality isn't great and VCD's are a bit crap really. This is a classic (like Dogtanian and the three Muskahounds) that needs to be preserved for posterity and reminiscences on DVD!

Thats what I think anyway.

wow...

Wow! I haven't posted on here for 4 days! Thats unusual for me, I'm usually on here every night. Haven't done a lot in the intervening time between my last post and now. Mum and dad came back from Turkey yesterday morning. With some amusing anecdotes and stories. I've heard them twice so far. They had a good time anyway which was the main thing.
,y mum had a letter from the hospital when she got back with the date for her cataract op. Last year she had a detached retina, and had to have surgery on it to fix it. When she was mended, the consultant said that there was a very high chance that she would get a cataract in that eye withing 12 months. It has appeared, and she has got to go to get the lense in her eye replaced towards the end of september. The date she has been given is 23rd September, my Dad's birthday. If everything goes to plan, which it should because it's a fairly routine op, she will have perfect vision in that eye. I'll let you know how it goes.
My dad is currently watching people playing poker on the telly. I can't think of anything more boring to be honest, except perhaps being on checkouts all day ;-)

Me 

Today

I had quite a good day today, despite the fact that I spent it on my own because Pete was buggering off to see his brother and leaving me all alone! :-p @ Pete. This morning I went down town, because I needed to get some new shoes for work, I've been meaning to get some for a while, but well, I got paid on thursday so I thought I'd go today. I ended up getting two pairs in the Clarks sale, spent far too much money, so it looks like I'll be starving for the next four weeks. The shoes I got were nice tho, one is just a comfy pair of really dark navy shoes for work, the other is a pair of black suedey trainery things being clarks springers, they fit like a glove. I've been breaking them in all afternoon, but they don't really need it. I also got a hoover for my fish tank to clean the muck from out of the bottom. I also discovered the pleasures of the new Toffee Crisp MacFlurry. Mmmmmm.
On the way home on the bus I was standing there with my bags full of shoes (plus a load of carrots and cabbage for the guinea pigs) and trying not to fall over when the bus went round corners at stupid speeds. A little old lady caught my eye and offered the seat next to her. Gratefully I took it, and I spent the rest of the journey listening to her talk about her life. She had been married for 49 years before her husband died, argued a lot about his smoking. She described herself as bloody minded :-) but she was lovely, and I wish I could have talked to her for longer but it's only a short journey to my house from the bus station.
When I got in I proceded to clean my fish tank, the hoover thing works by siphoning, but I found that when I used the attachment on the end, it started sucking the sand up from the bottom of the tank, so I had to take it off. This meant that I had to suck the tube to get it to start siphoning...Well after a mouthful of fishtank water I made sure I got it right the following go! The tank is nice and clean now tho, so I shouldn't have to do it again for a while...must remember to stop sucking before the water gets to the end of the tube next time :-(
After doing the tank I decided to tidy some of my junk. Listened to a bit of Avril Levigne while I was doing it, that girl has an amazing voice. Then, well I decided to go a bit retro cos while I was tidying I found a tape I hadn't listened to for a while. Haddaway! Does anyone remember Haddaway? I think I bought it while I was still in high school, so we're talking maybe ten or twelve years ago. I still remember most of the words too, classic songs such as, 'What is love?' and 'Life'. I followed Haddaway with Britney's 'Baby One More Time' album. :::sigh::: I know, sad isn't it, it was either Britney or Nickelback, and Britney won.
Mum and Dad are back on tuesday, the house isn't too bad tho, just needs hoovering, I can do that on monday night. I think I've wittered enough now. I was trying before to use Hello and the bloggerbot to add photo's and stuff. If you find any odd entries with mad pictures on, thats why!

Empty rooms

:::Sigh::: It's 11pm, and the chat room I go in is completely empty. I mean totally. There's usually some wierd, manic person around, but no, Science fiction chat is dead! I'm currently deliriously happy, and I have that lovely warm glowy feeling you get after great sex.
One thing I will say... I, Robot. Fantastic film, go see it. Now. Well, what are you waiting for? Stop reading this drivel and go. Go on, this will still be here when you get back.
Seriously tho, it is a really, really good film, better than I thought it would be by a factor of several hundred, and much better than some of the films I've seen recently. Only one slight criticism...Will Smith is a little too silly for the role, I can't take him seriously, and although it did take elements from the book I still think Asimov would be a little miffed, then again perhaps not...it was a great film!

All better now

:-D

Pringles and misery

Pete is either not speaking to me or his phone is broken. I'm trying to keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions, but I can't help thinking the worst and feeling that I've taken him for granted one time too many. I feel lost. Empty. Numb. There aren't words to describe it. I'm terrified of losing him, but I think I already have. So I'm going to sit and be miserable and eat pringles until I die of pringle overdose. I'm in a destructive mood.

Pete

Me and Pete are still not speaking. I think we're both too stubborn to make the first move. I'm tired and moody because I didnt sleep too well last night, spent quite a lot of yesterday evening in tears. I know I am petty and childish, and moody and stupid, and it's made a million times worse by my damned hormones. Pete hates it when I'm like that, but he also knows that I AM like that, and why, and that there's nothing he can do about it, and that it's not his fault, and that he should just ignore me when I'm being like that. Or at least he should by now. It was our two year anniversary on the 13th of last month. Two years, with the occasional blip, but we both agreed that blips don't count, we were never split up in our hearts, just in our heads. On one hand two years seems like a hell of a long time, I've never managed past 5 or 6 months before Pete, mainly because I've never found anyone I could seriously imagine spending my life with, or anyone who could put up with me longer than that. On the other hand, this last two years has gone past really quickly, despite some of the shit that happened this year.
I feel like shit, mainly because I know I take him for granted, even tho I've nearly lost him on three seperate occasions (the first and the last were the worst) and I cause him a lot of pain. I wish I didn't, I don't want to. Sometimes I wonder whether I am the best thing for him, that maybe he would be better off if he didn't have to worry about me being moody, and me being depressed, but then I look at him, and my heart skips and my stomach drops and I know that I love him, so much that I feel like only half a person when he's not around. I see how he looks at me, and I can see that he feels the same way about me. Knowing that, I feel that we're supposed to be together, and it would only cause damage if we split up.

Party

Well, I invited some of my friends to a get together last night. Those that were around, my best friend, Chris, is in Southampton, Clare is somewhere in Yorkshire and Beth is down in London, so I ivited some of my other friends. Pete I didn't expect to come (note boyfriend Pete, this guy I went to school and college with) because I haven't seen him for ages and I kinda lost touch, I don't even know if I have the right number for him anymore. Tom was busy, so it's fair enough that he didn't turn up. Charlie didn't reply to my text messages until this afternoon, he was in wales apparently. So only my mate Phil turned up. We had fun, me Phil and my fella watching silly videos, eating pringles and pizza and talking about random stuff. It makes me sad when I think of how few friends I've got, and those I do have I've neglected. When I started seeing Pete I was so wrapped up in him that I stopped seeing my friends. I realised that a while ago when me and Pete split up for a while. I was completely on my own, I didn't have pete, and I couldn't bring myself to get in touch with my friends because I hadn't been bothered to when I didn't need them, if you know what I mean. When Pete and I got back together, I tried to sort it out, tried to keep in touch a bit better. I'm not very good at it. The only way I'm keeping in touch with Chris at the moment is through my blog and her blog. And I realised something the other day...I really miss her.

And me and Pete had a falling out before. We were both being childish and irritating, but I think it was mainly my fault. It was still stupid and petty though, it usually is with us.

Aftermath

The mist swirled.
She recoiled from the window in shock, then hurried back to try and catch another glimpse of the stranger. The old oak tree appeared as the fog thinned once more, but the man had gone, vanished into the mist like a ghost. She slumped down on the narrow bed and sighed deeply, despairing without knowing quite why.
"Who was he?" She whispered to herself and glanced back to the window in case he had returned. All she saw was fog, thickening rapidly and eddying sluggishly, blanketing the garden like some huge, insubstantial creature. She shivered. Suddenly she was afraid. The miasma beyond the window now seemed oppressive and evil. She edged back away from the glass, then stopped abruptly.
"It's just mist." She told herself aloud, her voice sounding weak in the dead air of the room.
"It can't hurt me." As if in answer the fog roiled suddenly as if mocking her, and she slid back another pace, coming to the edge of the bed and slipping off onto the floorboards. She hid there for long moments, hardly daring to breathe, and gradually the fear dulled until it had faded to a vague uneasiness. Slowly she pulled herself to her feet, brushing a smudge of dust from her dress with a pale hand. She looked towards the window. The mist was just mist. Still, she felt claustrophobic now in the room, and she itched to see what was beyond the room, beyond the mist and the garden. She went to the window, and looked at it closely for the first time. It was made of three panes of glass, set in a kind of bay from floor to ceiling; solid and unhinged the only way to open it would be to break the glass, and this she was loathe to do. Sighing gently she turned away and looked towards the doorway and the dark tunnel beyond. Hesitantly she went forward and rested her hand on the wall beside the opening. The darkness in front of her was complete, unbroken by any glimmer of light. A shiver passed down her spine and she almost turned away, but she was stubborn. With leaden steps she inched forward until she stood beyond the doorway, within the darkness itself. She reached forward and her fingers touched cold stone, dry and smooth under her palms. The air smelled ancient and a little musty. She turned to her right, and then her left, straining with her eyes for a sign of light, but the blackness seemed endless. The warm glow of the room was becoming more and more attractive every second, but the woman lingered in the corridor, tempted to stumble blindly on just to escape the dull monotony of the room, but unsure and afraid of what might happen if she did.
A few seconds passed and then a light breeze wafted down the passage, it was warm and smelled of mildew and decay. Go back a voice seemed to whisper in her mind. The terror she had felt earlier came back in a rush and she shrieked, darting back into the room, trying to shut out the voice in her head. She curled up on the bed with her arms wrapped around her eyes and ears. The voice faded, but from the corridor outside now came the steady hiss of breath as if some terrifying monster now stood guard over the doorway. The woman watched the black portal fearfully.
'What have I done?' She whimpered almost inaudibly.

Sadness.

I woke up this morning sad. All I wanted last night was to curl up in bed with Pete, and I couldn't because of the dog. So I woke up on my own this morning, instead of wrapped in the arms of the man I love. I missed him. And I feel guilty for blaming the dog too, because it's not his fault, he's just being protective (stupid yes, but protective all the same). And now I feel like I'm being silly.

Bloody Animals

I hate that dog. He's an uncontrollable, noisy, stupid monster, and he has made the past week of my life a misery. My mum and dad go away for a fortnight, and I have to look after it, except taking it for walks, my brother comes and does that.
I said I was worried about looking after it when they said they were going away, but they wouldn't listen. Instead of putting it in a kennels for a fortnight they leave it with me. He's very antisocial to people, so I have to lock him in the garage if anyone comes round, and then he barks constantly until he's let out and he will not shut up. I can't leave him alone too long in the house, which prevents me from having a social life while my mum and dad are away. Ahh maybe I'm being selfish, but when they said they were going away I didn't envisage this.

In the buff

I'm naked. Well almost, I decided to take my clothes off because I'm on my own in the house and I felt like it. I just hope no one comes to the door! I'm not in a particularly good mood. I had a crap day at work..it's checkout tuesday again, Bob was being patronising again, and Joan is off on hols, so I have no one to stick up for me. He thinks I'm an idiot. It was hot coming out of work, after hammering down all morning, the weather changed dramatically to hot sun, and I had heavy shopping bags, and then, guess what..the bloody bus didn't turn up so I had to get different bus which meant I had to walk a bit to get another bus so I could get home. The sun was so hot, and I missed the bus I wanted and my arms ached from carrying bags that I was nearly crying by the time I got to the bus stop. And when I got home, Pete texted me to say he wasn't coming round like he'd said, because his brother was visiting. I know it's not his fault, but I was upset anyway. I feel a bit better now, I had some tea and fed all the animals (one of my duties while my parents are away), watched some TV. I want to write, but my inspiration is a bit limited tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I'll stop now cos this is beginning to sound a little whingey and childish.

Birthdays

In exactly one month I will be twenty six years old. I've been alive for ywenty six years, and I feel like I haven't done anything. Oh, I have adegree (the use it is), and I passed A levels and GCSE's, but since leaving uni what exactly have I done? Nothing useful, I'm stuck working in a supermarket for peanuts. I appear to be unemployable because I have no relevant experience and I'm crap at interviews. The only thing that is good in my life is Pete, and I know I don't appreciate him enough. Sometimes I take it for granted that he will always be there. I shouldn't because no-one knows what the future holds. I hope and pray that we will always be together.
I'm also putting on weight. That is a bad thing, I don't want to get to the stage where none of my clothes fit me. I will have to take up excercise, but I'm a really lazy person. Oh, and I seem to be getting crows feet around my eyes. :::sigh::: I hate being old ;-)

nail buffing

I hate nail buffing, but as I've just applied some acrylic overlays to my nails it is a necessary evil. With any luck this should stop my nails bending whenever I catch them on things, and hopefully they will get a bit stronger because I won't be able to bite them either. Thats the theory anyway. They look a bit crap at the moment so it looks like I'll have to paint them and hope the boss doesn't say anything. I so need a new job where it doesn't matter if I have nail varnish on or not.
I have missed Pete today. He's off doing manly things with his mates in a caravan this weekend. By manly things I mean getting drunk and very little else I guess ;-)
While he's been doing that, I've been down town and got my nail stuff, then went to the park for a bit and sunbathed with a book. It wasn't as much fun as last weekend, cos he wasn't there, but I survived, just about.
Mum and dad go away on monday, they're going to Turkey. Mum has been complaining that it's hot here, so I don't know how she will cope with the heat there. It does mean I get the house to myself for a fortnight, so I will be able to have Pete round, and walk round the house with no clothes on. I like doing that, it feels free. Roll on monday!

Today

Weel, today. What to say about today?
I got up, I got dressed, I went to work. I got annoyed because it was busy and I was trying to do reductions on the chilled foods and Jean kept ringing her bell for assistance on the checkouts, and OF COURSE, I am the ONLY person that can POSSIBLY go on the tills. It's infuriating. It took me nearly two hours to finish them. I had my lunch then, then Bob decided he was going to spring my progress review on me. Ok so he did warn me last week when he gave me the booklet to read through and fill in, just that I hadn't got around to actually doing it yet. It was a waste of time anyway, the usual, 'how do you think you're doing?', 'what can we do to make your life easier?' rubbish. It makes no difference to how the shop works. Anyway, Bob has put a couple of things down that I might get training for...well I say training...it's more like here you go, do this, you'll work it out eventually.
After work I went to the pictures with Pete, saw King Arthur. I liked it, but Pete kept grumping about innacurate bits of history, and the lack of character in some of the characters. I do have to say that Ray Winston's character, well it's a good character, but he's a little bit too Ray Winston, if you know what I mean?
Pete's a bit of a history geek, like the way I'm a rock geek...it's all good, history is more interesting to more people than rocks, and I like listening to him talk about it (but don't tell him I said that ;-) ). I still haven't told my mum and dad that I'm seeing Pete again. To be homest I think maybe my mum has guessed, or at least suspects, but she hasn't asked. They don't ask who I've been out with when I go out so what do they expect if I don't tell them stuff? I will mention it soon though.
After the cinema we went to the pub, The Cherry Orchard, in Arrowe Park. It's a nice pub, usually quiet, and it's right on the edge of the park, so it's good for night time walks. The food isn't bad either.
I came home, had some weetabix, watched Poltergeist 3 because my dad was hogging the computer, wished I hadn't because it is a truly dreadful film, the best bit is laughing at the scary eighties haircuts and huge padded shoulders.
Well I came on here and read my best mate's blog for today, then, well I'm writing mine now. It could have been a more interesting day, and easily a more boring one. I really do need another job though. Must make an effort. Tomorrow I will look on the internet and see if I can find some suitable ones that I can apply for.

too hot

Urgh. It is far too hot. And not nice, sunny, dry hot either, it's strength sapping, mood-creating, humid and heavy hot. On the plus side I think it might thunder storm again. :::keeps fingers crossed::: I'll let you know tomorrow.

The watcher in the Mists

Adam stood silently beneath the spreading boughs of the old oak. The earth was moist under his feet and the mist swirled lazily, dripping from the branches above onto his hair and shoulders. He was motionless in the cool damp air, watching intently the lighted window a few yards in front of him. The fog made him invisible, just another shadow blending into the greenery of the garden, able to observe unseen.
The girl sat on a wooden chair, gazing sadly at the mist. Her eyes were dark pools of melancholy, her ebony hair hung straight, past her shoulders like a waterfall of glistening black treacle. She was slender and pale, beautiful and ageless, and Adam ached for her.
He stood and watched her all day, never moving once; observing her every movement, every expression that flitted across her face, until night fell. Then he crept forward, peering through the glass to try and catch a glimpse of her, but the room was pitch black and no moon rose to shed light onto her ivory beauty. As midnight approached Adam left, but the following morning he was back beneath the ancient oak, watching and waiting for an opportunity to speak to the woman.
Days passed. Adam came every day to the garden to watch her. He was captivated by her, by the way she moved, so graceful as she paced back and forth in the tiny room, the way she stared so sadly, yet expectantly through her window at the mist. He watched and yearned to speak to her, but he could not bring himself to approach. The mist was an ever present force, constantly swirling and distorting the garden around him, but one morning as he approached the oak to take up his viewing position the mist cleared for several moments. Adam froze. There she was, staring straight at him, her eyes wide with shock. She pressed her palms against the glass of the window, staring hard at him as though she could not believe he stood there. The mist swirled back and he fled under its cover, mortified that she had discovered him spying on her. Ashamed by his furtive surveillance, he vowed never to return, to leave the woman in the solitude she so obviously craved.

Stories

I'd just like to point out to anyone who read the story I wrote the other day, that it is not based on personal experience. As my boyfriend pointed out to me this afternoon, a lot of people do write from experience, I as a rule don't often, I write from imagination or inspiration from other sources. I'd like to make it absolutely clear that my boyfriend does not beat me up, and I've certainly never tried to kill him (even when I've been really mad at him!) :-)

Happy now Pete? :-p

Thunder

I love thunder storms, and we had a really amazing one tonight. Heavy rolls of thunder, grumbling around the area, lightening sheeting across the steely sky. The rain pelted the ground, battering like ball bearings and bouncing so it was like being rained on from two directions at once. It was so awe inspiring it is impossible to describe and do it justice.
I watched most of it from the pub, I'd have been out there standing in the middle of it, but I was in my work clothes, and I need them for tomorrow. I find storms thrilling, exhilarating. They make me feel so small as well, it is one of the great shows that nature puts on to remind us of how insignificant we really are. I love to watch them and stand in them and see the lightening dance and hear the thunder roar, like it's shouting its defiance to the world.

Striking Back

Sirens wail. I can hear them through the glass and the curtains that cover the windows. It is gloomy in here, an early dusk brought by the drapes that shut out the light - I like it that way, it shuts out the world. I am sitting on the floor, my head bowed, staring at the filthy carpet between my feet. My hand is shaking slightly, I think I am in shock. Owen sits across from me, slumped untidily in the corner his legs akimbo, his eyes staring. He hasn't spoken for a long time, and I dare not break the silence now. I want to tell Owen how much I love him, that I'm sorry for hurting him, for being so typically me, but the words will not come.
Sirens wail. They are closer now, almost at my street. My body aches where Owen kicked me. I think he cracked some ribs, and my eye is swollen shut where he punched me, but I don't hate him. It's my fault anyway, I shouldn't have argued, it upset him, and now he will not speak to me. The silence is thick between us. I have to do something, I need to stop him hating me. I crawl forward and put my hand on his shoulder, but his eyes are glazed and look straight through me.
'Owen?' My voice sounds thin and frail in the darkness. I get no response. I touch his face with my fingers, trail them down his neck to his chest, to the warm, sticky flood that has stained his shirt. I jerk my hand away as the last half an hour comes back to me in a rush.
Sirens wail. The police are at the door now, shouting through the letter box, now bashing at the door with a heavy object. I called them not long ago, shortly after my husband tried to strangle me in his rage. Now I think he is dead.

Boyfriends, Mums and taxi's

I had a lovely day and night out with my boyfriend today. We went down town to do a bit of shopping, then we went to the park and lazed for a while. It was good to just do nothing, sitting on the grass and looking at the blue sky for a while. We haven't had a chance to just chill together for a while and I had a really good time apart from getting a little bit sunburned. Later on we went out in Hoylake with some of his friends and his brother and had a really good night. I got a little bit drunk, am still a little bit drunk if I'm honest.
Me and Pete had a bit of a heart to heart about my mum. It was the kind of conversation you can only have when you're a bit drunk, but it doesn't make it any less true. The fact is Pete does not like my mum. I can be honest about this and say that I can't really blame him. She is overpowering, domineering, bossy and likes to get her own way all of the time. That's not to say I don't love her. I do, I love her to bits, but sometimes I don't like her very much, and I don't want to turn into a miniature version of her. I feel very harsh writing this, but it's the truth. I live in fear that one day I'm going to wake up, and be my mum. Pete say's that's not going to happen, that I'm not like my mum, but I'm not so sure. I can see a lot of traits in myself that my mum does, and I don't particularly like them. Point in case...She has just told me off for being in and not have turned all the lights off yet, even though I'm STILL UP. No, 'hi kate did you have a nice night?' no, 'are you ok?' no, just moaning at me as usual. She treats my dad like her own personal skivvy, he's not allowed to have opinions, neither is any one else in the family. My brother has mamnaged to escape, he's getting married next year. I did escape for a while, but had to move back in because of relationship and other difficulties. It's only since I moved back in that I realised how bad it actually is. She snipes, she moans constantly, she attacks virtually everything that my dad does behind his back to any family member that will listen. God, this sounds terrible. I don't mean to be so destructive about my mum, I do love her. I don't blame her for how she is either, I think a lot of it is because of how she was brought up by my nan and constantly having her nan (my great grandmother) criticising. I feel, I don't know, alienated in a place where I should feel at home, sometimes, not all the time. I need my own space where I can be myself without having to agree with whatever my mum say or does or thinks. I've worn myself out thinking about this tonight. I feel guilty for thinking it, and eve guiltier for saying it out loud, but it had to be set into the open.
We got a taxi home me and pete. The one we booked didn't turn up, but we got one eventually. On the way home there was a message over the driver's radio. It said...
'It's (the fare) at a big wedding, you can't miss it, there's a portaloo outside'. A PORTALOO? All I can say is...classy wedding!