The Winner Takes it all.

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
Because it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence

But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all


Hmm. Some quite disturbing parallels between my life and this song. Who needs complicated, cryptic lyrics anyway? Say it like it is eh Annefrid (or possibly Agnetha) can't actually remember which of the ABBA girls it was that wrote this after one of the ABBA boys broke her heart. Of course there's always two sides to every story.
But on the other hand, what does it matter now anyway? It's what he wanted... to be rid of the wingeing, moody, clingy hanger-on. Thats why he did what he did, didn't do what he said he would, and kept pushing.

But now, what's a girl to do when she has a heart full of mistrust and cynicism? Well she could try and make herself feel better and get her own back by sleeping with everyone that comes near her, but that never works... that just makes her feel like a dirty slut... or she could throw herself into verything else she has in her life and try and forget who it is that she actually is. Attack work with a vengeance, fill up her time with other things, try her hardest to get back onto the dating scene... except she knows she can't love another man, not even half as much as she loved him. And so she keeps trying to forget and to hide, but in the darkness of her own head, in her room, alone, at night it all comes crashing down on her.

She feels abandoned, broken, used, ashamed, frightened, lost, angry, hateful, confused, hurt, cold, desperate, disillusioned, mistrustful, alone, and damaged.

How is she supposed to be free when she fels like this?

And how long will it take to not feel like this?