A zillion love songs

Don't listen to Magic radio,
Especially not late at night when it's mellow magic love letters.
It's enough to inspire bad poetry, and heartache, and evilness.

So, yeah, bad poetry aside, I'm not too bad.

Gonna be a Godparent, provided judgement day doesn't arrive first, or something nasty happens. Thing is, I'm wondering if (according to the church) Semilesbians are allowed to be Godparents?

Personally I don't reckon God himself would be too bothered, my theory is that he just wants us all to get along, and as long as we're not actually killing eachother or worshipping satan, or dong nasties to eachother, then he'd be happy. And besides, the Bible was written by people, and we all know what human nature is like when it comes to things we are afraid of or don't understand, or think are unnatural. And I'm not entirely sure about this, Gary would have to help me out on this one seeing as he's actually sudied the Bible, but I've heard it doesn't actually say anywhere in it that women can't sleep with women. I dunno. In my heart the idea doesn't feel wrong. I mean, when I'm dong something wrong I know, and I think that if God didn't want me to have a...thing with another woman, then he'd let me know, free will aside and all that, he'd still put something inside of me to tell me not to do it, and let me make my own choice.

On the other hand I may just be past redemption, a bad, evil thing, in which case I probably shouldn't be a Godparent, but I do't think thats the case. I believe, I try my best to be nice to people and help people, and not be a nasty person. I pray for people, and try to find forgiveness in myself for people I...don't like. Hey I'm trying not to hate them...hate is such a negative emotion. And believe me, belief sn't as easy as it sounds when stuff keeps happening to attack your faith...like deteriorating eyesight, diabetes, wholesale destruction of the planet, losing friends, that kind of thing. I'm clinging on tho.

I got my promotion at work, which is good, my eye might possibly be finally settling down, after surgery last week, which is good. I passed my counselling course, which is good. The course I wanted to do in september, the next stage of my counselling training, is oversubscribed, which is bad. They might put on another night course, which is good, but it will probably be at Carlett Park, which is bad, because it is a nightmare to get to on the bus, it's fairly innaccessible to those wih visual impairments, who can't see in the dark, and could provide safety issues. But we'll see what happens...obstacles are made to be conquered, and if I want to be a counsellor, I need to conquer ths little hiccough, one way or another. Oherwise I will have to wait until next year to carry on, and that's too long.

And Leigh. Well Leigh is like an itch I can't scratch. Leigh is an enigma I can't understand. Leigh is..Leigh. I may be experiencing feelings for him, but I don't want to...I'm not in the right place at the moment to be taking on another emotional cripple, and Leigh is possibly even more crippled than the twisted fuck...see I'm not quite over that potentially violent streak of really strong dislike for the evil S.O.A.B. But back to Leigh...In fact no lets move on because I don't really want to talk abot it...I'm taking time out from him anyway, I don't think it's good for either of us to be around eachother at this particular time...I'm vulnerable, he's vulnerable, and one of these days we're just going to fall into bed, and it will all end in tears and recriminations.

So the lesbian thing. I'm hinking Imight try to persuade Hab, Gay and Sam possibly if he comes along, to take me to a Gay bar on my birthday. Because quite frankly, I'm not brave enough to go out and attempt it on my own.

Maybe I'm too old to be trying the lesbian thing now. Maybe I should have got my arse into gear and tried it properly when I was younger. I blame the twisted fuck. If he hadn't bewitched me into falling in love with him, I might have done this by now.

All I know is, I need to be away from headfucking men for a while.

Of course I could probably find my way to The Lisbon in daylight...maybe drop in for a drink and see what happens...