Downs and Ups.

It's been, well, it's been a week.
A bloody awful week to be honest...
I started new pills after a particularly vicious bout of depression. Least said about that, the better.
On the up side, Mum and Ddad are helping me out with the bedroom...junk went in numerous carrier bags to be sorted outlater, walls have been painted...two coats of white emulsion and a lovely shade of 'natural wicker' over the top...think a kind of goldeny cream and you'll get the picture. Floor is going in next weekend when it's been ordered and collected by the free fitter called Dad...and as for de-texturising the ceiling...well stuff it, three coats of white paint covers a multitude of purple sins and strange knobly lumps sufficiently.
Just need a new bed and curtains now, and it will be a room worth sleeping in.

I'm looking forward to bridesmaid dress shopping at the end of October with my best mate and the rest of her bridesmaids, and I'm now saving hard to go to Wyoming for the wedding. Things are looking a little brighter finally, tho the new pills are making me feel a bit weird, kinda spacey at the moment, but I'm sure I'll get used to them.

Hopefully by the time next year comes round I will be a healthy, happy, well balanced individual, instead of the moody, crazy, self absorbed depressive that I am at the moment.

On my own

Gary is away on a lads weekend at V festival, and, well...I miss him.
Apparently he misses me too, cos he keeps texting me to say so.
I am in the process of tidying the shit hole I call a bedroom, so hat I can decorate it. Purple really isn't the best colour for a room that gets no sunlight. I was thinking magnolia, which, yes, is cliched, but it's bright and light and will make the room seem less brooding and ominous, and hopefully when I turn the light on, it won't be absorbed into the walls like a balck hole.
Watch this space for updates on how it's going, it's going to be a big job cos I need to de-texturise the ceiling will polyfiller stuff, and I want to laminate the floor as well and put in some shelving. Big and expensive, so it might take me a while both with the actual work, and with the financial stuff of saving up for each bit, but it'll give me something to do, and it's a step to a brighter furure.
Beats staying in bed all evening anyway. I now have something to work towards which can only help me beat this nasty bout of depression I seem to have been going through recently.
Gary said he'd help with the ceiling and the flooring etc, don't know how dad will react to that but I'm sure they'll get on heh...two men doing DIY in the same room? Possibly a bad idea, but it will be a learning curve!

number 4

Soooo, I cut my hair.
Well actually I clippered my hair. It's now a number 4.
Surprisingly I actually quite suit it.

Running away

I'm always running away.
In my dreams, I'm ALWAYS running away from something.
It might be police cars, or flying galleons, or aliens, or freaky flying numbers made of ice, or a damned terrifying scarecrow that fires fireballs at me, but it always something.
The guitaring and singing seems to have ground to a halt for a while, mainly because evryone is fucked up about something at the moment.
I have had a bit of a bad couple of months with the old depression thing...got a bit agorophobic , so the doctor changed my medication...I've gone from citalopram to seroxat. Been on it a few weeks now, nearly a month, and it seems to be doung me some good...still have the odd wobbly phase, but I'm better than I was by a long shot. I'm wondering if the seroxat is what is causing the mad dreams, because they really are very mad, and very vivid...Gary is always amazed at the detail when I tell him what I drempt.
Anyway, dreams not withstanding things appear to be improving mentally.
Gary's dad was diagnosed with throat cancer. Gary is convinced he's going to die, but I think this is more because he hasn't seen his dad for nearly 2 years and he feels guilty that he hasn't made more of an effort to get to know him. By all accounts his dad is a bit of a bastard, and having abandoned Gary and Mave when Gary was about 2 and not bothering to try and be a dad...well, I don't think that Gary has anything to feel guilty about. Personally I think he had a lucky escape, seeing how fucked up Terry is having had his dad around when he was growing up, but I cab understand how Gary feels that he missed out on something. Mave is a wonderful mum, and from what I can gather, his Nan was a wonderful giving person too, but Gary did miss out on a huge male influence in his life.
Anyway, Gary and Terry are taking the opportunity of their dad's illness to spend more time with him and rediscover their relationship, which is fair enough. I think it's good for them all.
Apart from that nothing has really changed.
I love the dress by the way Chris...it's beautiful...can't wait to see you on the day!