Waking up

I wake up, I get up. I don't want to, but habit forces me to put on a brave face and make the most of it. I go to work. I smile and joke and do my job as best I can, but all the while I feel like smashing everything around me, throwing down my pen and crying. I eat lunch. I hate lunch, I don't want to eat I want to curl up and go to sleep, forget about the world. I leave work, I go home, I take off my clothes and hang them up, I fall onto the bed and I close my eyes, fighting exhaustion and the tears that prick my eyes. I sleep. I wake when I am called for tea, and hour maybe later. I eat, I don't want to but I do anyway, no sense starving. I watch TV, some pointless program I can't recall. I go online. I talk to a friend on there, and for the first time in the day I feel better, happier, more alive. I get tired, I go to bed, I take my pill, my insulin, my other pill. I lie awake until finally I close my eyes and sleep.
I wake up. I don't want to but I do. Habit forces me to try and live my life as best I can. I want to hide away. But stubbornness makes me fight.