lost

I'm tired of being scared of my own feelings, of feeling lost and alone and afraid of life. I want to be happy again, properly happy, not just pretend happy.
I feel like I can't be properly happy til I get my head sorted out tho. It's like I have these thoughts and feelings, about things, about people, but I can't do anything about them, or I don't know what to do about them. I'm scared of making a change incase it turns out badly, or I end up hurting someone or being hurt again.
I can't think straight for fear and anxiety.
My nights are filled with wierd dreams of stupid scenarios...thats when I can eventually get to sleep after tossing and turning half the night away. Even when I'm tired or drunk, or both, I can't sleep properly. I can't talk to people about this, because I don't know how to explain it properly, some people I would talk to, I won't because something of what I think and feel involves them. It's like being in a black hole with no light, and only a vague hope that one day, if I keep walking, I might reach some kind of daylight at the end of this tunnel.
I hate feeling like this. I hate being tired and unhappy, and afraid of my own feelings, scared of saying anything to anyone in case it's the wrong thing, or it gives the wrong impression. I'm so fucking confused at the moment, I thought I'd got over the stupid teen angst confusedness about life thing years ago, but obviously not. I guess things never really stop being difficult and confusing.