Cock

Rooster are amazing live. And it's not everyday you get to stand in a room full of hot, sweaty, barely legal girls, all bouncing around and rubbing themselves against you cos it's so crowded!
Anyway...yeah, good night. Had lots of fun and danced and sang and didn't get drunk so thats good. Would definatly recommend going to see them in future, I thin they will be the next best thing...and there's the scantily clad girls thing too, if you're into that sort of thing.
I had a lot to write tonight, but I can't remember what it was. I kinda got derailed after spending an hour and a half on the bus coming back from liverpool. A journey that should have taken maybe half an hour. I felt sorry for the bus driver, wasn't his fault, the powers that be decided it would be a great idea to close off one of the mersey tunnels on bank holiday weekend, on match day, so the traffic was horrendous. Got into a conversation with a bloke on the bus tho, about the state of the world and how no one had any respect for anyone or anything anymore, and how there is no real deterrent for criminals anymore, and how the justice system seems to be biased against the victim etc. We came to the conclusion that if we had our way, criminals would be strung up and really made to realise the suffering they cause.
Also went to see Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy with Pete. It's brill...go and see it.

hmmm

I think I have developed a peperami obsession. Thats not good, they're bad for you. Especially when dipped in philadelphia. :::Sigh:::

Peperami

Soooo, I'm gonna write to peperami and philadelphia and suggest a joining of the two. Have decided to call the frankensteinian creation a Philarami. It was either that or a Peperdelphia, and somehow Philarami sounds a bit ruder, so Me and Joey reckoned that would be better, Heh.
I also started reading the ingredients list on the peperami packet. It was interesting to say the least. Here's how it reads on the list...

"Ingredients: Pork(108%), Pork fat, salt, spices, glucose, flavour enhancers(E621, E635), Garlic Powder, Preservatives(E250)."

So, after reading this, and passing it on to Joey aswell, we were both wondering how you fit 108% of a substance into a product that has other shit in it as well, even if it didn't have other stuff in, you'd still be hard pressed to fit that extra 8 percent in some where. Well the peperami website (yes there is a site dedicated entirely to peperami...you can find anything on the net if you look hard enough) had this to say about it...

"Made at our sausage factory in Germany, it (peperami) is pasteurised for food safety, and is made with 27g of meat for every 25g sausage. This is because the meat loses some weight due to moisture loss during the drying process."


So, that's alright then.

My japanese name is 坂本 Sakamoto (book of the hill) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
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doing nothing

erm, didn't do a lot today of interest...just work and came home and had a sleep and then fucked about for a few hours. I honestly don't know where my days are going recently, I seem to spend most of my time doing fuck all. It's kinda depressing when you think about it.


Scarf length: still 8 inches, haven't even done any of that...

day off

My day off today, yes it'sfriday already. Went to meet Pete for lunch which was nice apart from not actually eating any lunch with him...I bought two pasties and ate them both on the way home. so much for eating only lettuce lol

scarf length: 8 inches

eating crap

Tonight I have eaten so much crap its silly:

one cinema hotdog
3 gallons of diet coke
4 peperami's and half a tub of philadelphia (you haven't lived til you've tried that combination let me tell you!)
1 tub of baileys haagen das ice cream
and 1 huge packet of walkers sensations spare rib flavour chinese crackers

Tomorrow I will only be eating lettuce lol

Sahara

Went to see Sahara. It's ok I guess, wasn't as good as I thought it would be, and it's very silly. Ahh well, it kept me entertained for a couple of hours.


Scarf length: 6 inches

scarf

Heh, my scarf is now a whole three inches long!
I'm well impressed, but then it doesn't take much.

tension

Ok so theres been a bit of tension in work between me and the boss, basically cos of the car journey yesterday, and him kinda trying it on a bit and me saying no. it wasn't anything major, he just asked if I was interested basically and I declined and he was like 'ok thats fine no problem.'

Except now I feel kinda awkward, and he keeps asking to make sure he hasn't offended me, which he didn't I was kinda flattered in a way, but he keeps looking at me in a way that kinda says 'are you sure you don't want to?' or maybe it's my imagination.

Ahh I reckon it'll settle down in a few days or so. Heh, hopefully I won't be there much longer anyway...keep filling out the forms and keep my fingers crossed...

apologies

Well, after venting my spleen in that vitriolic tirade yesterday, I went upstairs to bed to find pete had texted me.
"Why do you treat me like shit, then when you have pushed me to far you act like you care again"

I snapped once more and sent him back a vicious text, detailing all that I did for him, and how I felt, and asking if I didn't care why would I do all that for him, asking him if I was treating him like shit, how was he treating me by ignoring me for a week. Then I sent another saying I was tired of always being blamed for the problems in ou relationship, and tiredof always having to apologise for being me.

I guess I must have scared him a bit. He apologised, this morning and said he'd like to talk later if I wanted.
I rang him after the meeting with the boss, and he was all sweet and contrite, so I went round there.
All the way there, I was wondering what I would say to him, I wondered if it would be best to finish the elationship and save myself more heartache, but when I got there, well, I saw him and all this love kinda bloomed up in my head, and I realised I couldn't. So I gave him a kiss and forgave him for being a grumpy bugger coshe had been unwell, and got a bit depressed, and now everything is ok again. I am happy again. I do love him ever so much.

Bloody bastard men

I apologise to all those nice men out there who aren't emotionally retarded. And to Joey for chewing her ear off about this. I am so angry right now that frankly I don't give a shit whether Pete reads this or not, cos basically. he's being an arsehole.
Apparently, I haven't been bothering with him, and he's pissed off at me because of that. Which is why he hasn't wanted to see me for a week and wouldn't tell me why. As far as I can tell, I haven't been behaving any differently than usual, apart from being ill for a bit with that damned cold. And even when I was ill, and coughing my lungs up, I went round to his and helped him pack, I went out for his birthday, albeit briefly cos I was ill. Thats another thing...his birthday, if I didn't care, and was treating him like shit, why the hell would I buy him a PS2 for his birthday, when I could have just bought a fucking DVD or something. And I had to take the damn thing back cos it didn't work and swap it for one that did. I was really upset about that, the fact that he was disappointed because his present was crap. He can't say that I don't care. What he actually means is that he hasn't been getting enough sex. He want to try having my fucking body, that seems to decide to bleed for seven days out of every fortnight, and still want lots of sex. Thats probably a little unfair actually, I'm not just a sex toy to him. I'm an unlimited supply of food too. I am soo fucking angry I could scream, but I won't because my Mum and Dad are in, and they would wonder what the hell is going on.
I love the stupid bastard, I really do, I tell him often enough, obviously not often enough tho. I'm just tired of being made to feel inadequate, and guilty, and small, and like every little problem we have is my fault. He's got a hell of a lot to answer for. on one hand he makes me feel great, sexy, almost gorgeous, loved, on the other he makes me feel like I'm nothing, that all my efforts are worth shit and nothing I do is worth anything. I don't know if thats a normal relationship state, or if this relationship is one of the bad ones that can't last. My heart tells me it can work. My head tells me it can't. From past experience, my head is winning out at the moment.

Knitting

I have taken up knitting. I am making a scarf for a friend for her birthday. How long it will turn out depends on how quickly I knit...heh if I'm slow it could be a really short scarf lol.
Also I went to see Constantine. It's fantastic...go see, has demons and angels and alsorts of groovy effects, and Keanu Reeves is just wooden enough for the role ;-)

Maudlin

I went in sci fi, hoping for a chat to take my mind off the miserable thoughts in my head, but when I got there it was empty. Only myself for company. I was going to write a story, but I can't get the words to flow right. Guess I'm just not in the right frame of mind for pouring my imagination on to paper.
Imagination is a wierd thing...unreal people become like friends as you put them down, a couple of times I have brought myself to tears writing about the pain, heartache or even death of a character. Actually death is a common concept in a lot of my stories...you can't have a good, exciting tale without a good death in it. Unless of course you can wangle it so that it's not really a death, just an apparent death, then you can have a good, nice happy ending.
I don't believe in happy endings...the end is never really the end...in a story, at the end of the fight, or the battle, or if the couple make up, there is still all the sorting out to do for them...even if they are not really real, I think imagined characters rtake on a pseudo-life of their own, and people would wonder how they carried on after the last page of the book or the last sentence of the story. I know I do. What happens to the princess after she marries the prince...I doubt they live happily ever after...I bet they have arguments and falling out's like the rest of us, maybe she has lots of healthy children, maybe she is infertile and gets cast off for some othe brazen hussy that can have kids, maybe he dies in a freak hunting accident and she has to be queen reagent until her sons are old enough...you just don't know.
Stories are powerful tools, and have lives of their own...I know many people have said this, not least Terry Pratchett..he wrote a book about it, lots of books in fact. I kinda believe it tho in a toned down, half hearted way, because I don't BELIEVE in anything very much, certainly not God, hardly even in myself, but thats the way life is...to go through life not believing in anything really, means your head gets filled up with all sorts of wierd and wonderful stuff that you can use to be creative. I' not even that good at that, but I'm practising, it's something I like doing, and if I practise hard enough maybe I will reach my goal of actually writing a book, one that is good enough to be published. Short stories won't do it, it has to be the full novel. I'll get there eventually I guess.

Pete

Think he's gonna dump me again.
Guess he doesn't need me anymore.

Fridays

Bob is giving me fridays off work. Is all good cos it means I get another day off, and it's almost like a weekend, except a bit squiffy. Downside, I lose a few hours a week, which means less money, but on the upside, if I have a day off I'm more likely to go to the jobcentre or a employment agency or summat...find myself something decent.
Monday I'm actually going to a meeting, instead of work. Should be interesting Hah! Its about produce and wastage and sales. Bob couldn't get anyone else to go, cos they all said NO, so I ended up being summoned to the office, told to wear something smart and he'd pick me up on the way there. It's in Oldham so it's going to be a long drive.
I'm actually a bit down at the mo, things don't seem to be going so great with Pete, and I don't know why. He seems kinda indifferent I suppose. It's probably me being paranoid again, I should talk to him really, but I feel stupid and like some kinda clingy monster bringing it up. I feel like lately, he doesn't talk to me about things...we're like two separate people living entirely different lives and just kinda bumping into eachother when we can be bothered. He's got his new work, and seems to be doing ok there which I'm not a part of...thats ok...we can't live in eachother's pockets, but it's just little things y'know...like the announcement that he was moving in with his brother in Liverpool. He just landed it on me, as a done deal, no discussion or anything, I mean I know he couldn't go on living with his mum, but it would have been nice to talk it over and stuff...the outcome would have been the same, but I'd have felt more included in his life. Does that sound selfish. It does to me, like his whole world should revolve around me...I don't think that, just the bits that affect me we should talk about... I dunno. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit wierd cos of this concert with hab...I'd worked myself up for an argument with Pete about it, I didn't want one, was just half expecting one cos of well stuff that was said not long ago, and then Pete was like..ok thats fine. And it kinda started making me think...maybe he's not that arsed because he doesn't care that much anymore. And then he didn't want me to visit him tonight. I really need to talk this out with him. Hell I don't even know if he reads this any more...

visiting and excitement

Went to see Pete today...was ok getting there, getting back was a pain in the arse cos when I got back to Birkenhead the bloody bastard bus didn't turn up, and I had to get a taxi.
I am also going to see Rooster in Manchester with Hab...I can't wait! It should be great. Only a fortnight or so to go!

Moving

Pete moved to Liverpool with his brother today. I didn't help, mainly because I've been a bit ill with the cold from hell, which has gotten me a bit of a chest infection and terminal earache, so I wouldn't have been much use anyway. That, and one of his mates let him down so there wasn't enough room in the car.
I was intending to go back to work tomorrow, but when I rang the boss to tell him so this morning, he said no, take the day off. Who am I to argue with the boss. I am going back monday tho, I can't afford to take too much time off work, sick pay only goes so far.
I applied for a couple of jobs on thursday. I don't hold out much hope, but if I keep filling out the forms I might get somewhere. Thats about it really. I'm a bit down at the moment, but thats probably being ill and on anti biotics.