A bit about Me

I realised that though I write a lot of stuff on here, many of you won't know a hell of a lot of details about me as a person. I know my profile doesn't say a lot, and thats the way I like it really, I like to be quiet and enigmatic, but now I feel it's time to come clean about a few things.
The two main things about me that people don't get to know straight off is a) I'm a diabetic, and b) I'm bisexual. The bisexual thing most people get first, cos I'm prone to dropping some heavy hints (usually along the lines of 'cor she's cute', or 'I'd do her!' maybe not quite so vulgar, but you get the idea). The Diabetes thing is something I've lived with for more years than I like to remember, I was diagnosed at 17 months old, and I'm now nearly twenty six, so you can do the maths if you want, I really can't be bothered ;-) My GP at the time, told my mother she was being neurotic and there was nothing wrong with me, I was 'only teething' apparently. Fortunatley my Mum ignored him and got a second opinion or my life could have been much different, shorter for one. Anyway, being diabetic sucks for the most part. I kinda have it under control most of the time, but as with everything there's good days and bad days. My addiction to cream cakes doesn't do it much good, but I've tried to cut it down to one a week ;-)
I hate being labelled, I am not 'a diabetic', I am a PERSON with diabetes. I know I'm usually quite scathing about political correctness, but this is one instance where the PC lobby are right, just because you have a disability or an illness, doesn't make you that disability or illness, you're still a person, I'm still a person, just because I have a problem with my health... :::gets off soap box::: It's kinda the same with the bisexual thing being bisexual isn't the be-all and end-all, there are other aspects to my personality.
I first suspected I 'wasn't quite right' in school, probably about fifteen. It scared the hell out of me, I wanted to be 'normal' like the other kids, but never really fitted in anyway with most of the other kids at my school. It was at college that I finally accepted in myself that I was attracted to women and men, but even then I was afraid of people's reactions to it, and I didn't come out for ages. I vividly remember the first person I told. I'm not sure why I did then, other than the fact that I was a little bit drunk and needed to talk to someone. I was pleasantly surprised by peoples reactions (tho as yet I haven't found a way of telling my mum and dad, there's not really any need for them to know while I'm seeing Pete), Everyone was really supportive and just took it in their stride. A couple of people were surprised, but others just smiled like they'd known all along. I'm happy in myself now that I can be open about it. I don't know if that was my problem when I was in school and college...repressing how I felt, and not being able to talk to anyone because of fear, I felt so much better when I got it into the open...

Ahh I feel like I'm waffling now, ad I've probably said too much and bored you all. Depending how I feel tomorrow about what I've said tonight there may be more, then again I may be too embarrassed for bearing my soul like that and never come back ;-)

Things to be grateful for...
1. Beechams Powders
2. Bacon crispies.
3. Honesty and openess

ick

I'm not feeling so good today. Felt a bit grotty all day, and then came home and fell asleep. Only just got up now :-(
Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. I don't like being not well, it makes me miserable as well, but I'm fighting it :::go kate!:::
Anyway, baby fishes are still looking good :-)

Things to be grateful for...
1. Work not being to busy today
2. Bacon flavour pot noodles cos I couldn't be arsed making real food when I woke up
3. Weetabix, for the same reason.

Guilt and relief

I feel a bit of a bitch. I landed Aaron in trouble today. Yes, the guy is a lazy so and so, and I was really pissed off at him yesterday when he was chatting to his mates instead of working like he was supposed to..he is after all a supervisor, and not a pleb like me and Jo. I told the manager what he'd been up to today, this wasn't something I did lightly, I'm not the kind of person that goes round snitching on people, but the boss was having a grump at me for various things that weren't my fault because I spent most of the dat doing stuff that would have taken five minutes if Aaron hadn't been pissing about and had got off his arse and helped. Joan, agreed with what I'd said. She said it wasn't fair that Aaron was getting away with stuff, and talking to his mates, arranging his social life, sitting in the office on his phone, while me and Jo were working and trying to hold the shop together. I still feel a bit guilty tho, even though it's me that gets the grump attacks from Bob on a monday morning when things haven't been done. I usually get on alright with Aaron, but the sunday situation can't go on. It's as simple as that. I get really stressed out on a sunday when it's busy, and I'm trying to do the jobs that I need to do, and I'm not getting any help, and then I get stressed out on monday when the boss starts grumbling. He say's it's not aimed at me, but I'm one of those people that take things personally, even if theyre not aimed at me. :::sigh::: I hope this will sort things out, either Aaron will pull his finger out, or Bob will find someone else to do the supervising on a sunday.

Things to be grateful for...
1. Baby fish still doing well after 3 days... :::crosses fingers more tightly:::
2. Orange Reef
3. Cuddling up to my Pete

Happy Days

::::Grins:::::

Well I don't know what that was for, but I like it.
Went to see Shrek 2 yesterday...for those who haven't seen it, GO SEE IT! It's great. I think it might even be funnier than the first one if that's possible.
I didn't come back yesterday, as you may have noticed ;-) reason being we decided to go and meet a friend, and we ended up staying out til 1am...tsk, another late night. I can guarantee there won't be many ore of them this month...I'm trying to conserve my money a bit more so I don't get over-overdrawn again. We had fun tho, apart from the walking through the scary bits of birken head at nearly midnight. Was certainly interesting, like something out of a horror movie.
I'm currently listening to my The Calling album. It's a good album, I especially like 'Wherever you may go', which was the first song they released and what made me buy the album in the first place, and 'Unstoppable', oh and 'Adrienne', but only because I wrote a story by the same name once.

Things to be grateful for...
1. 'Unstoppable', because it reminds me of how I feel when I'm with Pete.
2. Great nights out.
3. Sprouts. :::looks at everyone's expression of confusion::: What??!! I like sprouts...

Baby fish

I have come to the conclusion that fish are not very bright at all. I have just had babies. Not me personally, one of my fish I mean...I noticed that one of them was looking quite fat and pregnantish (and thats a real word too ;-) ), so I took her out and put her in this little floating tank thing. It's got a bit that goes in the bottom that has little slats in so that when the mother has babies, they drop through so she can't get to them and scoff them. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the babies from trying to swim up through the slats. When I noticed them last night I had 3 babies, about half an hour later there was one left and mother was looking very unhungry :-( There wasn't a lot I could do about it, if they had been born in the main tank they'd have been et by the rest of the fish, so they stood a better chance in the breeding tank thing. I turned the light off and left them to it, I can't watch the poor little buggers getting eaten by their cannabalistic mother. This morning when I took her out and put her back in the main tank, there were two baby fish hiding in the bottom of the floating thing. They look marginally happier now there is no chance of being eaten. I don't know how long they will last, the last time I had babies, I rescued about 20 of them out of the main tank and managed to rear one of them. He died when I had my tank problems a few months ago, and I got really upset when the other fish ate him. It's a cruel, cruel world.

Anyway, I'm going out to watch Shrek 2 with my fella. I may be back later, with baby fish developments, then again I may not...

Football and Dancing

My regular readers may be wondering where I was yesterday. My best mate came back from Southampton for a couple of days so we decided to go out, watch the footie and then get pissed.
The football? Heh, do I need to say anything? Disallowed goals and that penalty from Beckham....have had a few amusing emails about that. Has anyone else noticed the distinct lack of england car flags around in the last 24 hours??? To be honest, I find it all a little amusing, although I do think that maybe we were a little unfairly treated in the matter of the disallowed goal...thats football though.
As to the dancing, well, I did get a little bit drunk last night. We went to the Krazy House in Liverpool, it's a fantastic club, and it feels like home everytime I walk in there. After one redbull and aftershock, and several bottles of reef, I was dancing like a loon and having a thoroughly good time. At the end of the night I was being an aeroplane (running round the dance floor with my arms out making vroom noises) to the tune of Purple Haze, I was quite drunk. Fortunately happy drunk not sad drunk. A good night was had by all, all my mates said I provided some great entertainment value. I'm not sure how to take that :-)
I think I may have overdone it a little on the 'dancing' front tho, I wasn't too bad when I got up to go to work this morning (at 8am!!! I didn't get in til 3.30am), but now my spine feels like it's been removed, stamped on a bit, twisted, attacked with a sledgehammer and then put back the wrong way up. In other words I've given myself minor whiplash from moshing too much, oh and I feel like I've been eating glass, from the way my throat feels. But hey, I don't care. The only down side to the evening was the fact my fella couldn't make it. I realised when I was there that it was the first time in nearly two years that I'd been to the Krazy house without him. It felt wierd.

Things to be grateful for...
1. The oain that tells me I'm too old for crazy dancing ;-)
2. Seeing my best mate again for the first time in 6 months
3. Realising that no matter how long we don't see eachother for, when we do, it's like she's never been away.

June

Lovely weather we're having for october. Shame it's actually June. The air outside is a maelstrom of howling wind and driving rain, and forgive me if that sounds a little melodramatic, but after standing at a bus stop for nearly forty five minutes in said maelstrom, I think I'm entitled to call it that. Bloody Wimbledon. Because that is what it is that's causing this weather...tennis, there's something about men and women smacking defenseless rubber balls around with raquets that angers the weather gods I think.
Ah well, I'm home now, and dry and warm, so I can't really complain anymore.

hmmm

I'm feeling a little better now. Blogs are great for venting some of that nasty, evil mood. I'm not as miserable either, although I'm not happy as such. Ah well, life goes on.

Things to be grateful for...
1. I didn't get rained on coming home from work
2. I checked my balance BEFORE going to the pub, and therefor didn't get ven more over-overdrawn
3. Pete still loves me.

Misery, Money and Miserable Old Bags

I am in need of a hug. Don't you just just hate rude old people? I had one customer today who is the nastiest, rudest woman I have ever met, she throws her shopping at you, throws her money at you and never says please or thank you. She wanted a bottle of gin today and instead of saying 'could I have a bottle of gin please?' like most normal people, she flicked her finger at me and said 'Gin' like I was some kind of stupid, freak not worth speaking to. Snotty bitch. The two women in the queue behind her were laughing, probably at my very carefully immobile expression. They could tell I was fuming. It really makes me mad when these old baggages come in with no manners and expect to be treated with the same respect as the nice, polite people. Respect is earned, and I'm sorry but if they are going to treat me like shit, they don't get any respect from me, I don't care how old they are, it doesn't make them right and it doesn't gve them the right to speak to me like that. In contrast we have a little old lady that comes in, she turned one hundred last week, she can't see very well, and she is the lovliest person you could ever meet, you would do anything for her, and she is polite and grateful for any help.
Despite the evil old woman, I was in quite a good mood today, until I checked my bank balance. I'm over my overdraft limit. Don't know how I managed it because I thought I had a bit left in my account, but there you go. You work 40 hours a week and you can't fucking afford to live. What is the point??? I'm really pisssed off and miserable and I don't really give a shit about anything any more. Sorry about the language, but as you can see I'm not in the best of moods

Things to be grateful for?

Not fucking likely.

Manic depression?

Some one said something last night in sci fi chat. I think he was joking but it made me think a bit about how I react to life and stuff. I'd been in the room the night before and been a bit down about life and work and stuff, and had a bit of a moan and a grumble. Last night tho I was happy and cheerful and bouncy and well, yes I suppose a little bit manic. Not for any particular reason, in fact I can't place why I was so happy, just glad I was. Anyway this guy just commented on how different I seemed from the night before. 'Where's the depression from last night?', I just smiled and said it had gone. And then he asked if I was a manic depressive, just in a jokey way, not seriously, but it did make me think. I don't think I do suffer from manic depression, when I'm happy I'm not usually manically happy, and I don't usually get really depressed, tho I have very occasionally in the past. I can see how people might see me that way tho, I can be happy one day or hour or minute and down the next, but I think that is all part of being alive, part of being human? Does anyone else know what I mean?
Later on I was tlaking to Mart about death and grieving for lost loved ones, and he said that sometimes you have to go a little mad just to stay sane. That is so true. When my Nan died I don't think I went mad, I needed to because I wasn't there with my family on the night she died. I was staying over at my boyfriend's house. I'd been to see her in hospital that evening, and she was looking better, so I went to his flat instead of going home with my mum and dad. My Nan died in the early hours of the following morning, Valentines Day, and I will never forget the phone call from my Dad that woke me up. I feel guilty that I wasn't there with my mum when she went to the hospital, I feel like I should have gone home that night, not to Pete's. There is nothing I can do about it now, I can't change the past, and I am grateful that Pete was there for me to hold me and comfort me when I was distraught.

Things to be grateful for...
1. Family
2. Pete, I love him more than words can express :-)
3. Madness that keeps you sane.

Ferrero Rocher

Why? Just because I like them. I got some going cheap in work today, AND there's still some left!!
Hmm what to write?? Aaron was only ten minutes late for work today, so thats better than the hour and a half he was late last week. It seems the co-op is safe for a while yet, nobody has been notified of any development plans, so we've still got a chance. I'm still going to look for a new job tho, if only becaue this one is mind numbingly, brain meltingly boring, that and the heavy lifting and constant standing around isn't doing my back, knees and shoulder any good...:::sigh::: I'm falling to pieces.

Things to be grateful for...
1. Ferrero Rocher
2. Cheesy pasta and tuna
3. Fruit pastilles - they always seem to cheer me up!

Harry Potter and the T-shirt of Amusement

As you might have guessed I've just been to see HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It's not bad, I didn get the feeling that they missed huge chunks out of it tho, I can't remember which bits because I haven't read the book for a while, it just didn't seem to flow right when I was watching it.
On the way home I was standing in the bus station, and this group of girls came in, probably just been to see the same film, and they looked about 12. Unfortunately they were dressed about 18. It scares me when I see things like that, they were all wearing short skirts and boots and far too much make up, and don't forget this is at 10.30 at night. My mum wouldn't have let me out on my own at that time, when I was their age, I was running around in jeans and t-shirts and trainers, not tottering around in heels and mini skirts! People wonder why there are more paedophiles around than ever before, I'm sure that dressing kids up as little mini adults can't be helping, and it frightens me.

On a slightly lighter note, there was a bloke on the bus wearing a t-shirt...it made me grin like a loon, it said...

'I'm going to close my eyes when we kiss and pretend you're a pint of boddingtons'

Heh heh heheheh

Burgers and rain!

I went in Burger King for my lunch today, seeing as I was down town buying stuff. I decided to try one of their new chicken caesar bagels. I have to say it was much nicer than I thought it was going to be. I'd even go as far as to say that it was the nicest burger I've had all week. Come to think of it, it was the only burger I've had all week, but that doesn't make the statement any less valid. The chicken was moist and chargrilled to perfection and the salad was fresh, there was just enough caesar dressing on it, yup it was a good burger.
After Burger King I went on to do a bit more shopping, and as I was walking past WHSmith's, the heavens opened, literally. One minute it was quite sunny, the next the sky was completely black and the rain was bouncing off the pavement. Luckily I was under the glass shelters they have all along the sides of the precinct, and I stopped for a few minutes to watch the rain, and the people all scurrying for cover, looking like very angry drowned rats. I couldn't help but smile. I do like Summer rain, it's refreshing, it takes the excessive heat out of the air, makes you appreciate the sun a bit more. There is a wonderful smell about summer rain, a smell that winter rain doesn't have, I don't know how to describe it, it's sort of sharp and fresh, but it smells of earth and growing things too...if you know what I mean? Even down town among the concrete and glass and tarmac it smells...well, alive I suppose, and it makes even the unhealthy, scabby looking trees in the town centre look like they're growing. The rain didn't last long. I managed to keep dry, so I was happy, because it's also quite windy today and I hate being wet when it's windy. The bus ride home was a nightmare, screaming kids and moaning old ladies.

Things to be grateful for...
1. Summer rain
2. The smell of growing things
3. Helpful Dads that know what they want for Father's day

unhappy face

:::sigh::: I'm not happy and I don't know why. I'm trying my bestest to look on the bright side of things and think positively, but at the moment it's just not working. I haven't stopped taking my herbal happy pills or anything, so it's not that...makes me wonder what I'd be like if I wasn't taking them...doesn't bear thinking about. I think most of it is the stress with work...it's been so busy what with the Kwik Save down the road closing, and the customers are extra moany because the co op is extortionatley expensive, and now, well, I could be out of a job fairly soon, and if I don't find a new one fairly quickly I'll be unemployed and then I won't be able to survive.

Shut Up Kate, you're depressing yourself.

I've been having mad dreams lately. One of last night's was one I've had before, about a really old fashioned school, and me being late for a class with a really nasty teacher, and for some reason I always get lost and end up being later than ever, the other I don't want to talk about, it wasn't very nice.
Ah well, it's my day off tomorrow, I really need a week off, but I suppose I'll have to make do with one day :-(

Things to be grateful for...
1. Having an idea for a story that actually makes me enthusiastic!
2. he fact that the dog isn't barking out of the window at the cats in the garden
3. Cheese, not cheesy rock this time, just cheese.

Weetabix

There is nothing greater than a nice bowl of weetabix to finish the day. I have to have at least one bowl a day to feed my addiction :-) It's something of a running joke in UK Science Fiction chat, Kate and her weetabix addiction, has to be proper milk tho, none of this half fat semi skimmed crap, and as for skimmed milk...just don't go there, it's what the milkmen have left when they've washed out the empty bottles.
I really must start looking after myself a littlebetter, all this full fat milk and pub food can't be doing me any good. That and the fruit cocktail trifles I keep buying at work beacuse they're going cheap. I mean they are only little, but still...I'll be furring up my arteries to have a heart attack by the time I'm 35. Ooh this is turning into a cheery post, I guess it's just the mood I'm in at the moment, been grumpy all day, and a little bit down. It turns out that the leaseholder for our store is selling the lease, so if a developer buys it, then we might not be there for much longer, and I'll be unemployed. Not that working for co-op is tht great anyway, but it's a job, and it keeps the bank from ripping me to shreds.
:::sigh::: I'm going to shut up now before I depress myself even more.

Things to be grateful for:
1. Having a roof over my head
2. Having a steady income (for as long as it lasts)
3. The moon

Boo!

Damn, damn, damn, and quadruple damn. One of my fish is looking ill again. I'm hoping it's not a recurrence of the last problem, I've done a couple of water changes over the last couple of weeks, and I'm not feeding them nearly as much as I was, the others are looking ok, so maybe it's just something wrong with this one fish...fingers crossed.

I'm currently having a retro hour or so and listening to my Power Ballads CD...lots of 80's and 90's cheesy rock! Ah the joys of cheesy rock, I love it, real sing along and annoy the neighbours stuff...I blame my dad for this, having been brought up on Status Qo and Dire Straits...(we won't mention the David Essex and Chris De Burgh my mum force fed me - although I do like a bit of Chris De Burgh on occasion). I think thats why I like working at the Co-op so much (not) the music is the best bit.

I was going to say something else here, but I can't remember what it was.
Damn, memory like a sieve.

Anyway, things to be grateful for...
1. Cheesy rock
2. My fella who bought me the cheesy rock for christmas
3. My ability to sing along to said cheesy rock

::::Dances::::

Heh heh hehehe

I have to say after reading the fantastic jokes on Pendragon's thoughts, that Pete IS the God of Comedy! And there is no sarcasm in that at all, honest :-)

On a more serious note, I had the song from the AA advert stuck in my head, and Mart kindly found out what it was for me... It's 'I was Kaiser Bill's Batman' by Whistling Jack Smith. Thank you mart. Unfortunately I can't write it down here because it has no words, and thank god the tune has left my brain at last!

Last night I was watching Four Weddings and a Funeral. I'd forgotten quite how funny it is, but it also seems very dated now too. It made me think about marriage and relationships. Marriage is a pointless waste of time and money (In my opinion of course, I don't want to upset any prospective married couples) It just seems to me that for the expense, and hassle and stress of marriage, you could just spend the money on a nice relaxing holiday somewhere and keep your relationship as it is. There are plenty of other ways to show you are committed to someone without having to get a bit of paper to say you're attached. Thats what I think anyway.

Things to be grateful for:
1. Mart's inexhaustible supply of useless information
2. Having a happy, fairly stable relationship
3. being far too sensible to ever even consider getting married or having kids

Weak as I am

Food poisoning. Apparently that is what my supervisor had yesterday when he couldn't get to work. Hah! I think that is highly unlikely, if it was food poisoning he wouldn't have been in today, and he certainly wouldn't have gone to college like he did. Ah well, he's digging his own grave if he carries on the way he's going.
I have had a song going round my head today, can't stop singing it, it's Weak by Skunk Anansie (God that woman is incredibly sexy!) so here it is...

Lost in time I can't count the words
I said when I thought they went unheard,
All of those harsh thoughts so unkind
Cause I wanted you.

And now I sit here I'm all alone
And here sits a bloody mess tears fly home
A circle of angels deep in war
Cause I wanted you

Weak as I am
No tears for you
Weak as I am
No tears for you
Deep as I am
I'm no-ones fool
Weak as I ammmm

So what am I now I'm loves last home
I'm all of those harsh thoughts I once owned
If I opened my heart there'd be no space for air
Cos I wanted you

Weak as I am...

In this tainted soul, in this weak young heart
Am I too much for you?
In this tainted soul, In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you?
In this tainted soul, In this weak young heart
Am I too much for you

Weak as I am
Weak as I am
Weak as I am, am

Weak as I am, am I too much for you?
Weak as I am, am I too much for you?
Weak as I am, am I too much for you ?
Weak as I am


Things to be grateful for:

1. Skin's amazing singing voice
2. Asda Curries
3. Raspberry shortcake Icecream

Bad days

I have had a dreadful day. It started when my supervisor didn't turn up for work. It's his job to open the store, and as the only contactable keyholder for today, we were kinda stuck. He eventually turned up at 10.30am, after a lot of running around by me and Joan, and ringing of various people to try and contact him and/or get some keys. The manager got involved, and was on his way. Aaron, the supervisor didn't stay long. He drove up, handed Joan the keys, mummbled something about hospital and drove off again, giving no real explaination as to why he was one and a half hours late, and not staying. we eventually got the shop open and running, but because we were so late, the cashin up from the night before hadn't been done, so we were short of change for most of the morning. The Boss turned up to see what was happening at about 11am, not a happy bunny, because he was supposed to be having a day out with his family in North Wales. He had to stay all day because Aaron had gone off. As well as that, it has been horrendously busy all day what with people getting beer and food for the football, people getting barbecue stuff because of the weather, and lots of just general shoppers because the Kwik Save down the road is shut for refurbishment. I was late out too. I hope to God I never have a day like that again, but I don't suppose it will be as bad as the day Aaron is going to have when the Boss gets hold of him! I wouldn't be surprised if he was jobless by tomorrow unless he can come up with a really good excuse...

Things to be grateful for:

1. The fact it wasn't raining when we were sat outside the co op for one and a half hours.
2. My dad picking me up from work
3. fruit cocktail trifles.

Camping and stuff

I didn't write yesterday, not because I was camping as the title suggests, but because I was elsewhere, not at home by my beloved (hah, yeah right) computer. Today I have been trawling the internet looking for a campsite that is easily accessible by public transport so I can go camping for a few days in september with my wonderful fella. I'm not having much luck. Mainly because a lot of sites that are listed have no pictures and no information, they are just addresses. Most of them don't even have a web site or email...I mean what century do they think they are living in??? No web site? This isn't the stoneage. I have found a couple of nice looking sites, now I just have to work out how to get to them using only the trains and buses (oh for a car). Alternatively it's a case of turning up where I want to go, and hoping there is a free space to put my tent!
Well I'll keep you updated on what happens campsite wise... For now here are some things to be grateful for:

1. Ribena
2. Dominoes Pizza
3. Friendly cats
4. Silk
5. The internet. What would we do without it??

Physical exhaustion

I am extremely tired, so this is only going to be a short one today. I've had a very busy day in work lugging big cases of fizzy drinks around, I'm sure my arms are at least six inches longer than they were!
Anyway, things to be grateful for:

1. People with a sense of humour
2. Hugs
3. Hot Juice

Tears

I just read a post on a certain person's journal, concerning a certain song. Now I have the damned song going around MY head! I do quite like the song in question tho, even if I can't remember who it's by. It's 'Tracks of my Tears' by the way, and now I'm really annoyed that I can't remember who it's by. Can anyone help?
I have also decided that I'm going to try and write a book of politically correct proverbs and sayings. Of course, to do that I need to find a lot of proverbs and sayings, so I might have to go out and buy a normal book so I can translate them into politically correct speak. How much money do you think I could make out of this???

Things to be grateful for:

1. Silly Ideas
2. Old Ideas developed into new ones
3. Potato croquets

Ants

I read a blog today called Pika's troubled philosophy. There was an entry in it called The Ant Philosophy, and after reading it I felt, I don't know, more hopeful I suppose. It made a lot of sense to me, and gave me the kick that I needed to look at life a little differently, or at least give it a go. It's worth looking at...
The Ant Philosophy:
1. Ants never give up - keep trying, if one way doesn't work try another way to reach your goal
2. Ants think winter in summer - plan ahead for what you want, set attainable targets
3. Ant's think summer in winter - Always think positively, find the bright side in every situation
4. Ants always try - Do your best in everything you do, don't be lazy and do yourself down.
Thats the essence of it anyway...

Incidentally the midge bites are feeling a bit better tonight!

Things to be grateful for:

1. Sorting out misunderstandings
2. Pub food.
3. Having free texts to text animals sounds to my fella (don't ask!)

Damned Midges.

I itch all over. Serves me right for walking around the woods in the evening when all the nasty little bitey things are out and about I suppose. Even so, there is no need for this many nasty biting midges to have bitten me. I look like I've got something nasty, and I'm driving myself mad trying not to scratch them. I've resorted to putting plasters over them to prevent me from scratching. It does look quite silly, but at least I can't get to them. Consequently I've been in a dreadful mood all day, well mainly because of that, also because of the weather being nice and being stuck in work. Personally I think shops should be closed in the summer. Well the shops I work in anyway.

Things to be grateful for:
1. Plasters.
2. That I'm not too stubborn to apologise for things (most of the time)
3. Roast beef and crispy roast potatoes.

Parents and Children

I was in Boots the other day, looking at make up, as you do. Behind me looking as some other make up was a woman, with her two children who looked about four and six. This woman was talking to her boyfriend/husband on the phone, asking him to find out what shade of powder she had in her make up bag. Evidently he wouldn't go and look, because she slamed her phone shut, and said, quite loudly 'F*cking B*stard' (except without the *'s) I was disgusted to hear her swear like that in front of her two small children, but it got worse. She then turned to the smaller of the two and said 'your Dad's a f*cking W*nker!'. I went cold. Nobody should ever speak to a child like that. What made the outburst even more chilling was the childrens reactions. They were not phased at all by the language coming from their mother, in fact they seemed oblivious to the fact that her language was extremely offensive. I guess she uses the 'f' word around them all the time. I just wonder, if their mother speaks to them like that now, what are they going to be talking like by the time they are fifteen?

Something that happened today also made me question the future of humanity. In work we had a couple of drunks in the store. One of them was spilling orange juice all over the floor, while another dropped his medicine bottle which smashed. Apparently this man had just come out of hospital where he's been in with pneumonia, he also said he needs to have his medicine every day or he'll be back in to hospital. fter dropping his medicine on the floor, several things happened...Firstly he asked me for a straw, then when I said I couldn't give him one, he got on his knees and started LICKING the medicine off the tiles. I kid you not. The supervisor told him he couldn't do that because of the danger of glass shards being licked up, and told him to go to the local hospitals drop in centre to see if they could help. As he was leaving, we noticed that he had a leg of lamb stuck down his pants that he'd nicked on his way round the store. We stopped him, took the lamb off him and then barred him from coming back. It just shows how disgustingly shameless some people are.

Things to be grateful for:
1. Sequoia Dendron (or Giant Redwood trees to the uninitiated )
2. Midge repellent (even though I haven't got any and am now bitten alive.
3. Chocolate eclairs.

Bad stuff and Good stuff

People can be very stubborn. I know, because I am usually stubborn. I wish things could be different sometimes, but I guess some things you just can't change, like people's ideals, and peoples opinions of you. It makes me sad when I lose friends because of misunderstandings and things that happened in the past, but I've tried to apologise, I've tried to make things right. I guess sometimes bridges can't be rebuilt.
On a brighter note I've had a good day. It didn't rain, well maybe a little, but not much at all, I went down town and didn't spend loads of money, and I went to see 'The Day After Tomorrow' with Pete. It was a fairly good film, apart from the silly bits and the directional inconsistencies, oh and I'm not convinced a tornado would do THAT to a building . But apart from that I liked it. Went to the pub afterwards which is why I'm so late writing this.

Politically correct thought for today:
Who's the more intellectually challenged, the intellectually challenged person, or the intellectually challenged person that follows the intellectually challenged person?

Things to be grateful for:
1. Alcohol
2. Golf courses.
3. Mild nights so that you don't mind walking home after you've missed the last bus.

The Happiness Files

I think the happy pills are working, amongst other things. Life is being kinder to me at the moment, I'm feeling better about myself, and things are working out. I hope they continue to work out, and I'm going to do my best to make sure they do.
I didn't write last night because I got a bit drunk in the pub, andwhen I got in my dad was on the puter. I also realised that I didn't do 3 things to be grateful for the night before, or last night, so I have three sets of things to do for tonight. Here goes...

1. Imagination. The world would be a very dull place without it.
2. Trees. I like trees, one tree in particular, in the park :-)
3. Ice cream on hot days, although it hasn't been too hot here recently, so just ice cream I guess.

4. Healthy fish.
5. Baby Guineapigs.
6. Freezing cold water to drink.

7. My friends
8. My brother because he's always sticking up for me.
9. Pete.

Unhappy bunnies

I am not a happy bunny. I'm not sleeping well at the moment for various reasons, and the sleepless nights are making me grumpy. Today in work I have been patronised, prodded, been made to feel like an idiot, thought of as an idiot, oh and I had my arse pinched by some pervy man. I'd have slapped him, but I wasn't quick enough, and slapping customers isn't good for business. Anyway, today I hate my job. Sometimes I like it, but today, today if I had had the opportunity I'd have burnt the place to the ground just to get a few months off while they rebuilt it, I'd have handed in my notice if I had the money or prospects to do so, but I haven't so I didn't. Tomorrow doesn't look like being much bettee either. It's delivery day.
I was going to go to the pub after work, but no-one could make it. I was even thinking of going on my own, but when it came to getting off the bus, I just didn't have the energy, so I came home and fell asleep for a couple of hours instead. It did me good, I feel more refreshed and awake now, and a million times less grumpy, so I think it was probably a better idea than going to the pub. Lets face it, drinking on your own is never a good idea, and I'd have only ended up getting drunk on my own, and wouldn't have got any sleep tonight either. I'm still yawning tho, hopefully that means I'll sleep properly tonight and I'll be bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow morning, like those bunnies I mentioned...

The Honest Generation

I was on the bus today, coming home from work, and this woman got on the bus. She must have been in her late fifties, maybe early sixties, and she started asking the driver questions where he was going, whih is fair enough, so he told her. He was obviously going where she wanted him to, so she made to go and sit down. He gently reminded her that she hadn't paid yet, and she looked at him like he was stupid and said 'I've got a pass.' in a very snotty tone of voice. The driver was very polite and just said that he would have to see it before she could go and sit down, so she made this big show of having a hurt arm and putting her bag down before she could get her pass out. (A few seconds later she was holding onto the bar with both arms as the bus drove off quite happily, so her arm can't have been that bad). Anyway, she only went a few stops, and as she was getting off the bus she turned to the driver and was really snotty and nasty to him saying things like 'I'm from the honest generation', and 'you're obviously not an honest man to see dishonesty in me' blah de blah de blah. The rest of the passengers on the bus were like 'Oh shut up you silly mare, he's only doing his job.' What annoyed me most was the fact that she said 'I'm from THE honest generation', like all the rest of us were untrustworthy thieving liars. Personally I don't think there is such a thing as an honest generation. There are always going to be good people and bad people in any generation, people who will help others, and those who are out for all they can get and will try to get away with anything. There are just as many eldrly shop lifters as there are young ones, it's just the elderly ones tend to get away with it more...
Things to be grateful for:
1. Regaining my muse and being able to write again.
2. Not being so self obsessed and snobbish to think I don't have to show my pass when I'm getting on a bus because the 'driver should know I'm an honest citizen'
3. having my blog to write in to keep me sane (ish)