Zooming

So. I bought Zoomtext. It cost more tan the damned laptop, but I think it's worth it. After all I am using it pretty much every day, and the non cracked legal copy works so much better than the cracked demo copy I had. Zoomtext is the best magnifying software around... and it makes my laptop sound like the Star Trek computer... or Majel Barrett (Roddenberry) who died fairly recently. As did David Gemmell I was gutted to find out... no more Drenai novels, or oddball sci-fi fantasy books.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked... I got myself Zoomtext, and a rather groovy trackball mouse. And I managed to install them both without help from a man! See who needs men anyway?

Still no luck finding a nice woman to date, just about given up on that score, but after seeing 'He's just not that into you' today, I realise that it's just not in the nature of lonely people to give up hope that easily, even when we've been crushed and battered and had our hearts torn to shreds time and time again. I really need to stop going to see romantic comedy girly flicks. They are soul destroyingly depressing when you're on your own and everyone around you appears to be getting married or having babies or in relationships.

And next Saturday is the anniversary of my nan dying. Which means that not only will I not have anyone to spend Valentines day with, but I shall probably end up spending some time in Landican Cemetery. I need to get something to leave for her. Something that will last... She has had garden ornaments the last couple of years... think she would like them.

And finally, I'm not allowed to drink alcohol for a while as I'm back on the happy pills. Hopefully not for long. I've just been struggling to cope with everything that's going on at the moment. Despite the fact that people around me see a cheerful, strong person, I'm an emotional wreck. And frankly, I don't want to get back to that bad place in my life again where I was self harming and distressing everyone around me. So I was pro-active and went to see the doctor. He was very nice, understanding, and gave me a proscription for Dothiepin which I have had before and they seemed to work quite well. They are a low dose, quite mild, and more to help me sleep than anything else. Hopefully these, and a couple of counselling sessions will help to put things into perspective a little better.

And sometime soon I need to write a letter to S, I promised I'd write every week, but last week it was just too hard. The one person I could really do with talking to about this... well, he doesn't answer his phone, and never calls me back, s I kinda feel like I'm on my own.

And I'm gonna stop now before my thoughts get too negative. Positivity is the key... I'm still working on that...