Forgetting

I want to forget.
Why is it that the things you want to forget, you can't, but the things you desperately want to cling to, disappear from your mind like smoke in a gale.

Fact is I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know where I am going and I want to forget everything.

And booze doesn't do it.

Closest I ever came to forgetting who I was, was when I used to get stoned. And thats where I want to be... So stoned I can't remember my own name.

No Chance of that happening is there.

I hope you liked my songs by the way. Been writing a lot lately... and they are songs, not poems... I can hear the music in my head, I just can't write it down.

Another thing to add to my list.

Waiting For a Miracle

She sells her silence to the world
A statue made of blood and bone
Te wooden splinters of her heart
On show

Her eyes are empty as the sky
Her mind a box enclosed in ice
Her fingers grip your hand and now
You know

Black Hair and Big black eyes
Her windows to the void
She lies in waiting for
The miracle
She's praying for

The cage around her holds her pain
Her thoughts are driving her insane
A breath of life is what she's
Searching for

She holds the fragments of her dreams
Afraid of love, or so it seems
Too scared of walking through that
Open door

Black heart and big black eyes
Faces deep inside
She stays in hiding from
The little things
That make it wrong

There's no expression in her eyes
A secret sadness as she sighs
She barely breathes at all
When she's alone

You reach for her she pulls away
Untouchable as yesterday
Violated by the scream
That hides within

Black hair and big black eyes
Know what it is to cry
She keeps on trying to
Stand on her own
Be strong for you

Black hair and big black eyes
Are windows to her soul
She lies in waiting for
The miracle
She's praying for

Rocket Fuel

Whispering wind
Voice in your head
Surrounded by demons
Just like she said

You can't control
The feelings inside
Screaming at shadows
Along for the ride

And maybe she could save you
If she was near
Bt you're lost in the drk
And it's cold here
So cold here

Whispering wind
Pain in your head
Nothing to fear
You could be dead

Blood on your face
Smoke in the air
Pills on the table
How did they get there?

And maybe she could ove you
Get inside your head
But you follow the lines
And you're easily led
Easily led

Chasing the ange
You saw in your dream
Craving the contact
That washes you clean

She asked you your name
And you said you were fine
Ridng the train
To the end of the line

And maybe she could save you
But you chose the skies
Now yo weep for the light
That was once in her eyes
Once in her eyes

Maybe she could save you
If she was still here
But you're lost in the dark
And it's cold here
So cold here
So cold here.

Survivor

Survivor

I love you

More than life

That's the truth

That's a fact

But I won't die here

If you won't stay

I am strong

I won't fade away

There are so many things

I want to do with you

But life is so unfair

And I've got to let you go

And as the sun breaks through

Over dark and stormy seas

I will ride the waves

And make it to the shore

I love you

More than life

That's the truth

That's a fact

But I won't die here

In the dark

I am strong

I will survive

You touched my soul

And let me fly so high

And there's a part of me

That keeps those memories alive

I won't fall apart

I won't break down

There's nothing I can do

But hold on

I love you

More than life

That's the truth

Thats a fact

But I won't die here

If you won't stay

I am strong

I won't fade away

And as the sun breaks through

Over dark and stormy seas

I will ride the waves

And make it to the shore

You touched my soul

An let me fly so high

And there's a part of me

That keeps those memories alive

I love you

More than life

That's the truth

That's a fact

But I won't die here

No no no no

I am strong

I will survive

And I will love you

All my life

You will be here

Deep inside.

By Kate 11/2008

Guys

What is it about guys?
Cerain guys anyway. Got talking to this guy on match.com. He emailed me first... and I made it quite clear that I wasn't after men..it even say's on my profile that I'm looking for women. He said that was fine and he'd be mates if I wanted. The guy lives in Jersey, so it's not like I'm gonna bump into him any time soon.

And yet he keeps texting me and asking me what underwear I'm wearing, and what my favourite position is.

I swear all men are obsessed with sex!

In Memory of Emma

On Northwest Tonight today, there was a report about a girl Called Emma Burrows, who died recently. She was 27 and had been diabetic since she was a child. When she was at school she had been bullied and excluded by other children because of her diabetes. They called her 'Drug Addict' and wouldn't speak to her, one child pushed her into the road. The bullying continued into secandary school, and Emma stopped taking her insulin in an effort to be 'normal', she lost weight rapidly and her body was damaged irreversibly in the process. In her teens Emma regained control of her diabetes, and went to Art College, but the damage was already done, her Kidneys and Pancreas failed and she was given a double kidney and Pancreas transplant. Due to complications after the transplant, she died.

I knew Emma Burrows. The first time I met her was when I was about 13, she was in a production of Alice in Wonderland in Aid f the Then British Diabetic Association (Now Diabetes UK). She Played Alice. She was beautiful, bubbly and always had a smile on her face. She was friendly and made everyone feel happy just watching her. I saw her again a few times after that because we were a part of the same diabetic support group. The last time I remember meeting her was at an easter egg rolling charity event. The beautiful, bubbly girl was now emaciated, a walking skeleton from not taking her medication and not eating properly. Still the smiles were on her face, but she looked like a walking skeleton.

I will remember Emma in two ways... the bright, confident actress, and the gaunt, skeletal girl. In both memories the smile is the same.

I am lucky that I was never bullied about my diabetes at school, everyone I have ever come across has always been understanding and supportive. I feel very srongly that if Emma had not been bullied and made to feel like a 'freak' by her peers as a child, that she would sill be alive today, and brightening up the world wth her smle and her artwork.

Her work s crrently on show at The Williamson Art Gallery in Birkenhead.

Bloblets

I am surrounded by a horde of amorphous bloblets, rather aptly known as 'Mood Beams'. Frankly I think they are ace and everyone should have at least one in their room. I have eight, and two more on order.

What they are, are white plastic 'blobs' about 4 inches high, with basic black splodges for eyes and mouth, and when you push a button on their bottoms, or tap them on the head if they're on a hard surface, they glow, or flash, or beat in different colours...they will even flash along to music.

And they are the cutest most adorable lumps of white vinyl you ever saw.

I'm attempting to get the whole set, series one, series 2 series 3 and series 4 (the 'Tude Beams - Mood Beams with Attitude). I currently have all of series 2 and 3, and have ordered two that I can find of series one, ut series one are rare now and hard to find.

Each little blob has a paricular expression, and therefor a name... There is Smiley, Confused, Silly, Curious and Shy to name but a few, and each one has its own specific base colour.

I love my little glowing blobs. Especially at night when I set them all to a slow colour change, and they sit around the room rotating dreamily through the rainbow until I fall asleep...