Trauma
Me and Pete nearly split up tonight. I'm still not entirely one hundred percent sure I made the right choice, I'm having one of those crisis of confidence times when I'm not sure I'm where I want to be or with the person I should be with, and well to put it bluntly, the last few weeks, Pete hasn't helped a lot in making me feel any more secure about my feelings for him. Not because he's been angry or done anything bad, just by being a bit paranoid and jealous and silly.
I do love him, one thing I am sure about, just I don't know whether I love him enough. We talked it over amid lots of tears and stuff, and we're going to give us another chance and see if we can make it work, after all, we do love eachother, and you can't give up on nearly 3 years just like that. I'm happy most of the time, and as long as it stays that way, it's worth sticking to and working at. We'll either sort it out or we won't, I don't know if I made the right decision. It feels right at the moment, but there's still a stupid tiny niggly doubt at the back of my mind...it's saying 'are you staying with him because you're afraid of being alone?' I don't think I am, I'm pretty sure I'm staying with him because I love him, and because he does, in the majority of circumstances, make me happy. Still I guess everyone has doubts like these sometimes...please tell me you do? Tell me I'm normal and not a crazy bitch!
3 Comments:
my verdict is definately normal. erm, is definately the way i felt and ocassionally feel the direct opposite. also, being alone is kinda fun, just for your info lol
lots of safe love,
joey
xx
It's scary when you love someone and very confusing. I think everyone is different so it's hard to give advice. I've had wobbles with all my blokes (sounds bad!), with Nick and Pete I was always wondering if I should be there and feeling trapped, but with Andy, even if he is as asshole I know that I want to be with him. Alone is fun, but it's also scary. You have to follow your heart, but not damage your head too much in the process xxx
heh my head is already fucked beyond all recognition, but I'm working at it. Day at a time. Pete's doing all he can to make me happy, and I love him for it.
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